Many leaders are driven by an insidious fear that tells them their sense of self-worth depends on their ability to protect their mask. But your mask is just an outdated story your subconscious created, and protecting this mask can only drive a wedge between you and your spouse, your kids, and your team.
This is why it feels like you’re constantly at war. You are. Feedback morphs into betrayal. Correction morphs into humiliation. Making a mistake makes you feel like you’re being erased.
This is not a good way to live – and it’s an even worse way to lead. It leaves nothing but destruction and turmoil in your wake.
Worst part?

The “right to exist” is a common myth states use to justify aggression, destruction, and death. But states aren’t people. Structures rise and fall all the time. And using this argument to rationalize the actions of a state is misleading at best, and downright evil at worst.
And yet… people make a similar faulty argument in their own lives all the time. This is especially true if you have a leadership position:
A founder clings to a vision that no longer works. A CEO resists a restructuring that could save the company. A parent refuses to see their child’s independence as growth and not betrayal.

The trickiest part about healing your inner world is learning to figure out the difference between self-help schticks and true healing. They are often confused with each other – especially by high achievers.
And the cost you pay for mixing them up is hefty.
Like, for example:
* Striving for more and more success even when it feels empty
* Sabotaging your relationships at home and at work
* Developing a severe case of burnout, numbness, and depression
And worst of all:
* Tricking yourself into thinking you’re growing when you’re really building more emotional armor that will forever keep deep fulfillment from your grasp.
Here’s the truth: More productivity hacks, more pressure, and more control won’t help you integrate. It’s a form of suffocation for parts you label as bad or weak or needy. But they don’t disappear, they wait until you’re at your most vulnerable, then they attack.