Why Hustling Harder Will Only Get You Worse Results | (#045) Beyond Success: Psychology & Philosophy for Achievers, with David Tian, Ph.D.

What if the best version of your career, the one where work feels fun, fulfilling and oddly addictive in the best way, wasn’t something that you had to grind your way toward, but something that pushed you forward effortlessly, where you’re not dragging yourself to the desk or trying to summon motivation, but, instead, one where you’re lit up, engaged, even when it’s really hard?

That’s what we’re diving into in this episode, because if you don’t get this right, if you keep chasing success by force through grit, pressure, shame or discipline alone, then you might hit some goals, sure, you might even get a title, a raise or some applause, but deep down, you will feel numb, tired, a little bitter, like every win costs more than it’s worth and the next one feels even farther away, and worst of all, you’ll get used to it. You’ll convince yourself that this is just how life is, that being dead inside is the price of being successful. That’s the trap. [01:11.2]

But what if joy, fulfillment and flow weren’t distractions from success, but the source of it? So, today, I want to show you why the happiest, most fulfilled people, not the most stressed out, are the ones who actually win in the long run. They don’t burn out. They don’t sabotage themselves and they don’t have to fake it. They’ve found a way to love the work and get results, and if you’re willing to question how you’ve been approaching success, then that can be you, too.

I’m David Tian. For almost the past two decades, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people from over 87 countries find fulfillment, meaning and success in their personal and professional lives. In this episode, I’ve got three points, and the first point is this, that flow, joy and meaning aren’t extras. They’re not luxuries. They’re not some soft bonus that you earn after you’ve made it. They’re actually what gets you there. They’re the best fuel. [02:01.0]

Most people I talk to don’t even know this. They don’t believe this. They might say they do, but their lives tell a different story. They live like fulfillment is a side dish, not the main course. They try to get by on pressure, on deadlines, performance anxiety and lots of caffeine, and then they wonder why they feel empty or exhausted, or both.

Look, you can run on willpower for a short while. A lot of people do this, especially in their 20s and 30s, grit, discipline, pressure. You can squeeze results out of yourself in this way for the short term, but eventually, the fuel runs out, and when it does, most people double down. They push harder, sleep less, work more, beat themselves up for not wanting it bad enough. But the truth is, you actually don’t need more discipline, per se. You need a different source of energy. [02:54.1]

Here’s what I mean. There’s this idea, and if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably heard of it, called “flow.” Most people have no clue how powerful flow actually is. Flow isn’t just a state of deep focus. It’s a whole shift in your brain chemistry. It’s when your mind stops second-guessing and just does. You’re present fully. You’re sharp, and everything feels effortless, even when the work is really challenging. Athletes know this. Artists know this, and so do elite performers. They chase flow, not pressure, because flow is where the magic can happen.

The crazy part is, flow does not come from fear. Flow doesn’t come from shame. You don’t get into flow by forcing it. Actually, you can force yourself out of flow by forcing it. Flow comes when the work matters, when you’re most interested, when it lights something up in you, and that’s when your brain turns on in a different way. You’re not trying to impress anyone. You’re not hustling for approval. You’re just doing the thing because it feels right, and that’s where real stamina comes from. That’s why the people who love their work end up winning in the long run over time. They don’t burn out because they’re not white-knuckling it every day. [04:13.2]

This isn’t just some abstract idea. This concept of the flow state is backed by decades of scientific research. Neuroscientific studies on peak performance show that high achievers consistently enter states of flow more often than their peers. It’s not because they’re better at grinding. It’s because they’ve learned to design their lives around enjoyment, not suffering.

I totally get it, if you’ve been operating from low self-worth for a long time, This probably sounds really suspicious, like, Hold on, you’re telling me the way to win is to enjoy myself? That just sounds wrong, or lazy even, or maybe it sounds like cheating. Now, that voice in your head that’s skeptical of flow, that’s one of your protector parts. That’s a part of you that’s been hustling to prove that you’re enough, to earn love, to prove your self-worth, and that part means well, but it’s also stuck in survival mode. It doesn’t know there’s another way, a better way. [05:16.5]

That other way doesn’t mean that you stop working hard. You still show up. You still put in the reps, but instead of dragging yourself forward, you’re being pulled effortlessly. It’s the difference between forcing yourself to go to the gym because you hate your body versus going because you love how alive you feel during the workout and afterwards. The first drains you and the second recharges you. Albert Einstein had a great quote on this. He said, “The most important motive for work is the pleasure of the work, pleasure in the result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community. That’s what drives the highest kind of craftsmanship, the deepest knowledge and the most beautiful breakthroughs.” [06:01.6]

If Einstein’s not enough to convince you, take a moment to ask yourself this. What kind of work would you actually stick with for 10 or more years—the kind that makes you feel like crap that you have to force yourself to do every morning or the kind that feels like play, even when it’s challenging, the kind that energizes you, that makes you lose track of time? The answer should be obvious. 

So, if you’re feeling stuck, uninspired or drained, like you’re always playing catch up, it might not be because you’re lazy or because you’re undisciplined, or just not hungry enough. It might be because you’re ignoring the one thing that would actually make you unstoppable in this: enjoyment—and not the cheap kind, not numbing out with Netflix or dopamine hits, or cheap dopamine from your phone. I mean the deep kind, the kind that comes from doing what feels aligned to you where you’re growing, creating, contributing because it matters. [07:01.2]

When you tap into that, that’s when your work becomes something entirely different. That’s when it starts to feed you instead of drain you, and that’s the first step to going beyond success, and once you feel it, you won’t want to go back.

Okay, so the second point is this discipline and grit alone will break you. I’m not saying that you don’t need them, but if that’s all you’ve got, if your whole system runs on fear or guilt, or pressure or ego, then you’re in a countdown. It’s just a matter of time. I had this client, let’s call him Brandon. Super smart guy, late 30s, graduated top of his class. He went into strategy consulting, crushed it, and he was steadily climbing up the ladder, getting big bonuses, and from the outside, he looked unstoppable, like he had some kind of cheat code to life. But when he came to me, he told me he was done, not physically, not yet, but emotionally, mentally. He told me his tank was empty, and the scariest part for him was that he didn’t know why. [08:04.4]

He was still winning. He was still hitting his targets and exceeding them. He was still posting polished photos with filters and hashtags, but every morning he told me he felt dread. He kept telling himself to push through it, hustle harder, grind it out, but his sleep sucked. His relationships were falling apart, and deep down, he didn’t even like who he was becoming.

Here’s what we uncovered. Brandon had been running on fear his whole life, fear of not being good enough, the fear of falling behind, fear of disappointing people who told him he was special. So, he pushed himself. He worked harder than everyone else. He said yes when his body said no. He buried his emotions and called it discipline, and it worked for him for a while, but then the cost showed up in burnout, in emptiness, in that voice at 2 a.m. whispering to him, “Is this it?” [09:00.0]

That’s the trap. When your drive comes from fear or shame or ego, you build success on a cracked foundation, and eventually, it all wobbles, and then it comes crashing down. Here’s the paradox: the harder you push from that place, the worse it gets. You start resenting your work. You procrastinate, even on things that used to excite you. You start asking yourself questions that you can’t quite answer, like, “Why can’t I just get it together?” or “What’s wrong with me?” [09:32.1]

Many high-achievers struggle when it comes to managing their emotions or navigating their relationships, and they hit a wall when it comes to emotional mastery. Maybe you’ve noticed that stress, frustration or anger is seeping into your personal or professional life, or you feel disconnected from those you care about.

That’s where David Tian’s “Emotional Mastery” program comes in. It’s based on peer-reviewed, evidence-backed therapeutic methods to help you find happiness, love and real fulfillment. Learn how to break free from the emotional roller-coaster and start thriving in every area of your life. You can find out more at DavidTianPhD.com/EmotionalMastery. That’s D-A-V-I-D-T-I-A-N-P-H-D [dot] com [slash] emotional mastery.

There’s actually nothing wrong with you. What’s wrong is the system you’re using. Let’s look at the difference. Externally driven achievers like Brandon are often praised for their discipline, but it’s the kind of discipline that comes from self-rejection, from trying to outrun the voice that says that you’re not enough. So, every win feels temporary. Every milestone is just another step in a race that never ends, and it wears them down over time. They might start strong and fast, but they’ll burn out early, or they implode, or they get to the top of the mountain, look around and realize they’re still empty inside and get even more depressed. [11:06.3]

Then there’s another kind of high-performer, the one who is fueled from the inside, from curiosity, joy, alignment. They work hard, too, but it doesn’t feel like punishment. It’s not forced. It’s not performative. It’s not about proving anything. When you’re aligned with your values, when you actually like what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and finding it meaningful, you can work longer, better and deeper. You’re not just producing results. You’re creating. You’re growing. You’re not fighting your own brain every day.

Maybe you’re thinking, Okay, but I’m not there yet. I still feel like I have to prove myself. Fair enough. A lot of people think this way, especially if you grew up with perfectionistic standards or parents who only noticed you when you performed well, or teachers who only praised you for your high grades or metals, and a lot of us learned early on that love and attention were conditional. It came with strings attached. [12:08.0]

So, of course, you built an identity around achievement. Of course, it feels risky to let go of that, but the thing is, if you don’t let go of it, if you keep grinding from that place of fear or insecurity, you will hit a wall, and when that wall hits back, no amount of hustle will save you. You will either collapse, or worse, you’ll succeed and still feel miserable and then sink into hopelessness. That’s the silent killer, winning the game but losing yourself.

I’ve seen this in clients over and over. They hit the external metrics, whether that’s money or status or recognition, but they’re disconnected from themselves, from the people they care about the most, and from joy. The irony is, when they finally stop and start working from a place of harmony, integration, alignment, their results go way up, not just in output, but in impact, in creativity, in leadership, in relationships, because now they’re not leaking energy. They’re not fighting themselves all the time. They’re not dragging the weight of all that unhealed crap behind them every day. [13:21.6]

So, the question isn’t whether you’re disciplined enough. The question is, where is your drive coming from? Is it coming from a wound inside or is it coming from wholeness? Because if it’s the former, you’re building success on sand, and eventually, it’ll collapse.

All right, here’s the third and final point, and this one’s huge—meaning is the advantage that most people ignore. You can’t fake it, you can’t force it, and you definitely can’t hack your way around it. Because when you’ve got meaning, real meaning, behind what you’re doing, you switch over to a totally different game. You stop measuring success by how much you’re grinding or how fast you’re moving up the ladder or forward. You start measuring it by depth, by impact, by what this actually means to you and who it contributes to, and that changes everything about how you show up. [14:16.6]

Let’s be real, most people don’t have meaning in their careers or in their lives, really. They’re stuck chasing some abstract goal they picked up in high school or from their parents. They’re climbing a ladder without asking where it eventually goes, and when you’re disconnected like that, the work feels so much heavier. You have to drag yourself through it and every task feels like a chore.

But when the work actually matters a lot to you, when it’s tied to something bigger than just your ego or your bank account, then you become unreasonable in the best way. You don’t tap out just because something is hard. You don’t need someone yelling at you for you to stay focused. You. You stay up late working on it because you want to. You skip the cheap dopamine hits because the thing you’re building lights you up more than Netflix or another night out. [15:09.7]

What’s really wild about this is that people notice this. There’s something magnetic about someone who is tapped into meaning. You can’t fake that kind of energy. Teams feel it. Clients feel it, partners, investors, collaborators. People are drawn to it, because we’re actually starving for it. Everyone wants to feel like their work matters, that they’re building something that counts for more than just status or cash or pleasure. So, when you lead with purpose, people want in. You stop having to sell yourself all the time. You stop having to chase and you attract.

But let’s go even deeper than that. Meaning doesn’t just make your work better. It makes you better. It expands your tolerance for discomfort. It gives your pain a place to go. It turns the crap that you’ve been through into fuel. [16:01.2]

I’ve worked with people who came from some really dark, dark places, trauma, addiction, child abuse, sexual abuse, years of toxic relationships, and the ones who really turn things around, they’re not just trying to avoid failure. They’ve found something worth living for, something worth serving, and that’s what gives their suffering and pain meaning.

When pain has meaning, it stops being pointless pain. It becomes part of the work. I don’t mean you have to become some superhero or start a charity or something. Meaning doesn’t always have to look dramatic. Often, it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing the work you’re doing today helps someone else live a better life tomorrow. [16:50.0]

Yeah, early on, meaning can feel out of reach, especially if your self-worth has been hanging by a thread. If you’ve been performing for approval your whole life, then this talk about purpose might just feel like another way to feel like you’re not enough. But here’s what I’ve seen over and over—once people start healing enough, once they start getting curious about who they are beyond the roles that they’ve been playing, meaning shows up, not all at once, but piece by piece, like remembering something you used to know before the world told you who you had to be or should be.

Meaning is already there. You just haven’t been looking in the right place, and when you do start tuning into it, then everything else begins to realign. You stop trying to prove yourself. You stop looking for permission. You stop chasing random goals just to feel like you matter. You start asking different questions, like, “What actually makes me feel alive?” Or “What’s worth my time here? What am I willing to sacrifice for, not because I have to, but because I want to?” That’s what meaning does. It turns work into a mission, and missions move mountains. [18:05.6]

Einstein said, “The most important motive for work is the pleasure of the work, pleasure in the results, and the knowledge of the value of the results to the community,” and that last part, “the value to the community,” is the glue. That’s what makes all of this worth it. When you know the impact of what you’re building, when it connects to something bigger than just your own personal success or pleasure, that’s when you tap into something deeper than just motivation. You find devotion, and devotion is a whole different level of power and fuel.

So, if your work feels empty right now or if you feel like you’re just stuck grinding without a clear reason why, this might be the piece that you’ve been missing. Don’t just ask what you want. Ask why it matters. Ask who it serves. Ask what kind of person this work is shaping you into, because when meaning is true and real, you won’t need to force success. You’ll embody it. [19:06.1]

Let’s recap real quick.

First, flow, joy and meaning aren’t extra. They’re the fuel, the best fuel. They keep you going longer, deeper, and with way more creativity than willpower ever could.

Second, if you’re driving your life with fear or guilt or shame, you might be getting some quick wins, but you will burn out or break down, or end up wondering why none of this ever feels good in the end.

Third, when you plug into something that actually matters to you, a purpose that hits deeper than performance, you become antifragile in a way that no amount of hustle can create. You attract to yourself better people, better opportunities, and you build a life that you’re proud of, not one you need to escape from. [19:50.6]

When that happens, you start the day with a sense of drive, not from pressure, but from something inside you that feels alive. You don’t need to fake motivation because the work pulls you in. You look at what’s ahead, and instead of dreading it, you feel a steady fire under the surface, not hyped up, not performative, but steady, engaged, present. When challenges hit, you don’t spiral. You don’t retreat. You’ve got energy in reserve, because you’re not leaking at all, trying to outrun your insecurities. You’ve got clarity. You’ve got purpose. You know why you’re doing this.

But if you brush all this off, if you keep trying to earn your worth through achievements or punish yourself into progress, the long-term cost is brutal. Your relationships suffer. Your body suffers. You hit milestones that end up feeling meaningless. You drift through your days, numb, distracted or secretly angry, and you lose yourself trying to win a race that never ends.

That doesn’t have to be your life. There is a much better way, and now you know where to begin.

Thank you so much for listening. If this has helped you in any way, please share it with anyone else that you think could benefit from it. If you liked it, hit a like or give it a good rating on whatever platform you’re listening to this on. If you have any feedback whatsoever, I’d love to get it. Leave a comment. Send me a message. I’d love to get your feedback.I look forward to welcoming you to the next episode. Thank you so much. Until then, David Tian, signing out. [21:10.3]