Every guy knows that neediness is the #1 most unattractive quality to women. But why then are so many guys still needy?
Well, it’s hard for men to detect their own neediness. Women have evolved to detect neediness. And they’re experts at detecting it from your body language, your text messages, and even the tone of your voice.
In this episode, you’ll discover the “hidden” neediness tells you’re using without even realizing it.
Listen now and obliterate your neediness for good!
Show highlights include:
- Why women can detect your neediness before speaking one word to them (5:46)
- How the sound of your voice alone can either attract a horde of women or repulse them (7:34)
- Why your body language and tone of voice make up 93% of your attractiveness to women (11:33)
- How to land more dates with beautiful women by learning to read people better (14:30)
- 3 “secret” ways women detect your neediness (without you even realizing you’re being needy) (16:42)
- The weird way staying at your high-paying and high-static job demonstrates your neediness (18:59)
- The insidious “Do More Trap” needy guys fall into at the bar which nukes their chances of attracting women (20:57)
- How “red pill” dating tips actually make you needier (even if you think they make you more attractive) (24:13)
Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.
For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/
Get access to all my current and future online coaching courses by applying for the Platinum Partnership program today at:
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Note: Scroll Below for Transcription
Welcome to the Masculine Psychology Podcast, where we answer key questions in dating, relationships, success, and fulfillment, and explore the psychology of masculinity. Now here’s your host, world-renowned therapist and life coach, David Tian.
David: Welcome to the Masculine Psychology podcast. I’m David Tian, your host.
In the last episode, we looked at the one thing, the one thing that makes the biggest difference by far, and this one thing would sabotage any other factors that help you in being attractive to women. Whether it’s fashion, fitness, money, or status, none of those things matter if you’ve got this one thing mixed in there, and you probably guessed it because it might be in the title—the one thing is neediness.
Most guys focus on the wrong things. They focus on making themselves look more physically attractive without paying any attention to neediness or meeting their own emotional or psychological needs, and a lot of guys put the focus on making more money, because they think that if they have more money, then, magically, women will be attracted to them rather than just use them or attract gold diggers with it or attract women who want to go on shopping sprees, right? [01:09.0]
Or guys focus on status and fame, and most guys don’t achieve high status kind of by definition, and, instead, they focus on the semblance of high status or fame or riches to give off the impression that they’re richer or higher status than they really are.
Then there are the guys who are like myself over a decade ago, who focus more on game or social intelligence, or the tactic strategies and methods to generate attraction through what they say and how they use the environment and social alliances or social proof and things like that. In some ways, those guys are the worst off, because if you had spent all this time and effort, years, decades of your life, making more money so that you can attract women, at least, at the end of that, even though you actually, in your terms of your personality, may not be attractive because you’re still needy, at least you’ve got the money. [02:00.4]
The same with fitness. At least you’ve got the six pack or the muscles or whatever. But when it comes to game, what you’ve got at the end of it, because you’ve still got that neediness there—now you’ve got game layered over your neediness—all you’ve got is a false self.
Now, luckily, if you go all the way and you have done it in such a way that you have accessed a part of you or parts of you that enjoy that type of game or social intelligence, as I did—I had parts that really enjoy flirting and being sexual and creating sexual tension, and I had a lot of fun doing that—and I lost myself in it in that way with these parts just going rampant, and I was under the impression that that was now my new real self, that that was my true self. I had to go through the hard [way].
I had to learn this the hard way through a very hard crash and being woken up to my core underlying neediness that was still there, my inability to meet my own needs for significance, love, and connection in myself, but rather needing women to react to me in a certain way for me to feel good about myself. [03:04.5]
When I was in prime player mode, I was able to spread that neediness among 10, 20, however many women that I was flirting with or involved with, but when it came time to getting down into a committed relationship, because I wanted to experience what it was like to have that deepened connection, like the difference between only drinking new wine versus enjoying an aged wine that you have to wait to experience—and that’s sort of actually a good analogy for the joys of a long-term relationship—and getting into that, then guess what? All my chips were on one hand or all my eggs were in one basket, and when that was taken away, I finally was forced to confront my underlying neediness that I wasn’t meeting my own needs for love and connection and significance in myself.
That was incredibly painful because I’d built up this facade that I had duped myself into for over a decade and it’s like when you have a house of cards that you’ve been building up and it’s like a Jenga tower now that’s reached the ceiling, and when it comes and falls down, it makes a much louder bang and it’s a much harder fall, and that was what I experienced. [04:14.2]
I’ve seen so many guys go through that same cycle and I try to warn them as they’re building that tower, the facade, the mask of the personas, and leaning on those and shaming the parts of themselves that are vulnerable or holding the pain, or the insecurities that are needy, and not being able to meet their needs because they’re trying to ignore them. They’re exiling them. They’re disowning them. They’ve thrust them into the shadows and lock them up or try to kill them off—and if that’s you, that’s a very painful psychic split, and a lot of people are trying to get better at the psychic split. They’re actually trying to get better at disowning parts of themselves at exhaling, cutting off parts of themselves, and they’re not even realizing it, of course. They don’t even have the concepts to make sense of that. [05:01.8]
Hopefully, if you’ve been following this podcast for a while, you have the understanding of parts and exiles, and protector parts and personas, and the whole thing. But if you don’t, this is the place to come, and neediness is a great place to start. This episode is going to be diving even deeper into the pervasiveness, the ubiquity, that all over, everywhere, neediness is just in everything that you do. It pollutes, infects. It spreads through all of your life. It is visible through all kinds of ways that you’re not even aware of, and women have evolved the mechanism to detect neediness, and I covered that in the last episode in more detail, so I’ll assume you’ve listened to that. At the end of this, go listen to that, if you haven’t listened to the last episode.
Women have evolved these mechanisms to detect a man’s neediness because that was the most effective and quickest way to tell whether a man would make a good mate, because all of the other ways were easier to fake or hide, or they were ineffective in telling. [06:03.7]
So, neediness, which is displayed through his behavior, through all of these sub-communications, was a much more direct route to telling whether a man would have a high survival value and would have the emotional health to not only take care and survive himself, but to ensure the survival of her and their offspring.
Okay, there are all kinds of ways in which your neediness leaks through, not just in terms of the stereotypical ways that you see depicted in Hollywood romcoms. Great examples of neediness are like 500 Days of Summer, where the guy becomes this mopey, depressed boy when he gets dumped, and even while they were dating, the only thing, the only way he could have fun was when he’s seeing her and she brings all the color to his life. Without her, his life is colorless.
When she likes him or when they first start dating, he’s dancing down the street, singing down the streets, because she makes his life amazing. That’s neediness, because he’s unable to make his own life amazing in himself. He’s unable to meet his own needs for excitement and joy, and pleasure and fun, and play and spontaneity and adventure, and of course, unable to meet his own needs for love, unconditional love, and connection and worthiness, and being enough and significance. [07:20.3]
The inability to meet your own needs, these needs I’ve just rattled off, your inability to meet these needs, you actually leak through, you betray yourself through all kinds of ways. I’m going to just rattle off some more. You betray yourself through your sub-communications, through the sound of your voice. People can tell just by hearing you whether you’re confident. People can tell just by listening to the tempo, the timbre of your voice, the pitch of your voice, whether you are dependent on their approval and for you to feel good about yourself. [07:55.4]
We can also tell through your body language, through the way you gesture, through how you stand, whether you stand up tall or you crouch, whether you look down or you look up, or whether your chin is up, whether your shoulders are back, whether your chest is expanded and broad. How you walk, how you move displays whether you’re happy or you’re confident, or you’re, instead, insecure and afraid or hesitant. We can see all of that. Even if we don’t know the words that you’re saying, we can hear it through your voice. We can see it through your body language.
We can also hear it through your word choices. Now, when it comes to verbal content, I probably don’t need to say much because a lot of guys are focused, hyper-focused or only focused, solely focused on the words that they type or text and the words that they say. But, obviously, the words matter, too, and if you believe it or not, when it comes to texting, when she can’t hear the sound of your voice and she can’t see your body language, but she can see your word choices and your emoji choices or lack thereof, also, the tone of the writing that you put out there, the length of the messages that you sent, all of these convey how you’re feeling and thinking behind what you’re actually typing. [09:14.0]
Women love trying to break this down, because it triggers their neediness detector in a way where there’s a lot of ambiguity, but their neediness detectors are working very, very hard to try to decode the level of neediness displayed through your text messages.
Now, as a man, you probably have no clue what you’re actually conveying through the text messages, and that’s why some companies that just take over your Tinder account or whatever message on your behalf are so popular, because guys don’t get it, and there are also companies that will just give you copy and paste and you just copy somebody else’s, some other guy’s messages, and these are very popular because guys don’t get it. They don’t understand how their neediness, that the qualities of their attractiveness or lack thereof are leaked through, displayed through inadvertently, not through the obvious surface-level meanings of the words they choose, but through the tone and through the writing style. [10:09.0]
Okay, on top of all these sub-communications, the sound of your voice, your body language, the word choices, the way that you write or the words that you’ve chosen to speak, there are also microexpressions. Now, this is a heavily-researched field and area. This is something that the FBI, the CIA, they study microexpressions.
There’s a hit TV show called Lie to Me that I think went through seven seasons based on the research of a man named Paul Ekman and he’s sort of the pioneer of the face of it, but it’s pretty big. This is pretty well-known now and you can get microexpressions training. I’ve been through multiple levels of this and it’s a lot of fun to help you train you to read people’s emotions and thoughts based on their facial expressions, and scientists have broken down the facial muscles down to what they call FAUs, facial action units. [11:01.5]
They’ve cataloged emotions and correlated them to the facial action units that are activated when somebody, when a human being feels that particular emotion, and it works both ways. When you feel the emotion you display the facial expression or you display the microexpressions, and when you do the micro expression, when you move your facial muscles in such a way and you hold it, you’ll begin to feel those emotions. That’s been proven both ways. These are microexpressions.
If you’ve never heard of this, this is going to change your life, just like sub-communications would change your life, just like the very well-known stats on whether people like you is based on 55% body language, 38% the sound of your voice, the tone of your voice, and only 7% on the words. This is a study coming out of UCLA from way back. This is pretty well-known and it’s largely true and still held up, roughly speaking.
That’s a great way to think about it, the relative weight of each of these factors and likability—but even on top of that, microexpressions. Go and google microexpressions and look for the microexpressions trainings. It’s a lot of fun and it’s a great way to train yourself to be a good lie detector, but more importantly, to be able to tell what somebody’s feeling in a more rigorous, an empirically-rigorous way than just like a gut intuition, right? Now there’s some research behind it and you can get training in these microexpressions. [12:20.0]
Women have evolved to be relatively good microexpressions readers as a result of their neediness detectors that they’ve evolved and they’re picking up on, especially not just women, in general, because there are some women who aren’t very good at this and they’re easily duped, but attractive women especially have had to have develop a lie detector since they were young, since they group boobs, since they were 14, because men, including inappropriate uncles and that sort of thing, would’ve made lewd comments or skeezy or douchey eye contact or whatever, and they would’ve had to navigate their way through this. They would’ve also had to navigate their way through dealing with all the players, and so by the time they hit 21, they have a pretty good bullshit detector, which is another way of putting it, a neediness detector, when it comes to men—and one major way that you’re displaying your neediness or lack thereof are your microexpressions. [13:15.6]
Okay, that’s microexpressions are covered. Sub-communications, which include the focal tonality, the body language, the word choices. Then, finally, there’s a science of mirror neurons, which is the neurons in your brain that we’ve evolved to detect how somebody else is feeling or thinking, and the stronger the emotion in the other person, the stronger our reaction to it.
The classic example I like to give to illustrate why this would’ve been useful back then or even now is let’s say you’re in a tribe and there’s a tiger coming at your village in the middle of the night while you’re all standing around a campfire or something, and he’s coming at you and you don’t see it or hear it, but the guy in front of you, before he can even say run or whatever, you see the look on his face of sheer terror as he’s being chomped on or whatever and that tells you to freaking run, because this guy is scared his shit and there’s something bad, and you would’ve evolved it. [14:07.7]
If you would’ve had to. If you can’t read his face or if your brain lacks the ability to pick up what he’s feeling, you would’ve had to look at him and then have some kind of conscious calculation. “Hmm, because his brow is expanded in this way or whatever, he must feel this,” right, and by that time, you’re dead, me too, or if you had to ask him like, Oh, why are you feeling? I know some guys, a lot of guys who have trouble with women also have trouble with microexpressions, sub-communication, reading people, and believe it or not, this is a science that you can get training in and you can go and start online with it. You can go pretty deep in it, and you can also train yourself to tune in to these evolved reflexes in your brain. Now, some people might actually just lack a kind of mutation of lacking, lack the mirror neurons, but most people have mirror neurons. Take advantage of them. [15:02.5]
Women have, just count on it. This attractive woman tuning to her mirror neurons and what they’re firing as telling her what’s going on with you, so if she gets a creepy feeling when she’s looking into your eyes, because you’re unsure of yourself, despite what you’re saying, as you are bragging about your job or whatever, your Lamborghini outside or whatever, and she’s detecting there’s this lack of confidence or you’re trying too hard. You’re the try-hard because you’re talking too much now or the sound of your voice or this weird tick you’ve got going on or your eye contact is off in some way.
She’s picking up on all of that on an unconscious level and might just tune in. She’s like, Okay, I know this feeling that I get and it’s creepy, and so she’s just evolved to this instinctive response to detect your neediness without having to go through some kind of conscious calculation to reach it. Your neediness is being leaked, even before you talk to her, even before you interact with her. [16:01.0]
Now, this came up as a comment and this part of this one comment left on an old episode triggered me doing the three episodes to neediness, because I realized a lot of guys don’t understand what neediness actually is. Some guys think neediness is only displayed when you’re talking to a woman.
No, no, no, they can see you are needy just when you’re standing there, because if you’re standing at a bar and you’re scanning the bar, because you’re not having fun on your own, for instance, you’re not meeting your own needs for play and fun, and adventurousness and spontaneity—you’ve got to kind of scowl on your face or maybe you got a scared look on your face, or maybe you’ve got an awkward look because you feel really awkward standing at the bar by yourself. You’re scanning like, Do I know anyone here? Do I know anyone here—you’re needy? Right?
These are all kinds of ways that women are picking up your neediness, even before, without them having to interact with you directly. They’re seeing it through your sub-communications. They’re seeing it through your microexpressions. They’re feeling it in their mirror neurons that are firing in their brains. They’re picking up on your neediness, which is your lack, your inability, to meet your own needs. They’re picking up on all of that without actually having to interact with you directly. [17:06.4]
Do you struggle in your interactions with women or in your intimate relationship? Are fear, shame, or neediness sabotaging your relationships or attractiveness? In my Platinum Partnership Program, you’ll discover how to transform your psychological issues, improve your success with women, and uncover your true self.
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My definition of neediness is when you’re unable to meet your own emotional or psychological needs. My friend, Mark Manson has got a great definition of neediness that is consistent with mine and his goes like this: neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself. [18:08.4]
Then he gives some great examples of neediness and I’m going to read out some of these, because he’s a great writer as well, and then after that, I’m going to give you some examples of neediness in common dating scenarios. Okay, quoting mark here, Mark Manson, a few examples.
A needy person wants their friends to think they’re cool or funny or smart, and will constantly try to impress them with their coolness or humor or smart opinions about everything. A non-needy person just enjoys spending time with their friends for the sake of spending time with them and doesn’t feel the need to perform around them.
A needy person buys clothes based on whether or not they think other people will think they look good in them or at least what they think is safe to wear. A non-needy person buys clothes based on their own personal sense of style that they’ve developed over time.
A needy person stays at a soul-crushing job they hate because of the prestige it gives them in the eyes of their friends, family and peers. A non-needy person values their time and skills more than what other people think and will find work that fulfills and challenges them based on their own values. [19:16.5]
A needy person will try to impress a date by dropping hints about how much money they make or important people they know or dated or where they went to school. A non-needy person genuinely just tries to get to know the other person to find out if they’re compatible with one another.
We behave in needy ways when we feel bad about ourselves. We try to use the affection and approval of others to compensate for the lack of affection and approval for ourselves. You can see this big difference between neediness and non-neediness in a lot of common dating scenarios. Let’s take one of the most common, when you meet somebody in a bar. [19:55.0]
A lot of guys, when they meet an attractive woman in a bar, try to impress her, and that could be trying to make her laugh or trying to literally impress her with how much money he has or maybe name-dropping or his status, or something along those lines, instead of what a non-needy man would do, which is, first, to have fun, which might also be cracking jokes, but it will feel different because of the sub-communications, the psychology behind it.
It’ll feel different for her because he’s cracking these jokes, the non-needy man, to have fun. He’s cracking them because they crack him up, not because he’s trying to impress her or ingratiate himself with her, or trying to woo her or trying to charm her with his humor. Instead, he’s just being funny because it’s fun to be funny for him. He’s saying or doing things that are funny because he thinks they’re funny and he thinks maybe she’ll also find them funny, so he’s sharing them with her, versus the man who is trying to use that to impress her. [20:56.8]
In the bar, you see this a lot. This is what I call the “do more” trap. These guys at the bar or when they’re meeting an attractive woman and trying to impress her, they move into a doing mode of doing stuff to win her over instead of just enjoying himself or having fun and learning about her, genuinely, sincerely, authentically learning about her to see whether she’s worth his time out of all these other people there or whatever else he could be doing with his time.
The same goes for texting. Believe it or not, even though she can’t see you or hear her voice when you’re texting, she’s able to pick up if she’s socially savvy, and most attractive women have had a lot of experience with men trying to pick them up or impress them or perform for them to woo them and all that to win her over. [21:48.5]
She can tell if you’re putting a lot of time and effort into the text exchange because you need her validation or you need her to like you, or you really, really, really want her to like you, versus you having a communication where you’re trying to nail down the time and the date or you’re sharing something fun that you’d like to go to and invite her to because you think it’s fun and you think there’s a decent chance she might think it’s fun, so that’s it—versus the guy who puts tons of time and effort into crafting this perfect, exquisite text message in the efforts of or in the hopes of winning her over with it and then pressing send.
If that’s your mindset, you will sub-communicate, through your writing style, your neediness, and it will turn her off. If you’re unable to meet your own needs for connection, for feeling significant or worthy for feeling secure, then very likely when you go on a date with an attractive woman, you’ll try too hard to win her over or impress her. [22:57.0]
You’re going to put in way more time and effort than she would into trying to make this date special enough that she will like you enough to come out on the next date, whereas the non-needy man, when he goes on the date, first of all, would choose the time and place that is convenient for him, but is also convenient for her, and some place that he really enjoys at a time that works for him, and would be having conversation that he enjoys about topics that he’s interested in and would be genuinely interested, sincerely interested in her and her viewpoints and connecting with her and so forth, and getting to know her as a person. His happiness overall and even his happiness on the date is not dependent on her reaction or response to him, nor is it dependent on her opinion of him or her judgment of him. [23:52.8]
Now, I know for a lot of guys listening to this, this may sound really far-fetched. It may even be counter to the whole point for them of going on a date with an attractive woman in the first place. I know that this is what many men feel and think. That’s why, one major reason why I’ve dedicated these episodes to this topic and why I think it’s so important that so many men know that they need the therapeutic process.
You need a therapeutic process. You don’t need all that other Red Pill stuff or the dating tip stuff or any of that. That will actually just make you needier because it’s all feeding into your neediness. It’s all inordinate, disproportionate time and effort placed into the opinions of women and getting a reaction or response from them or, in the more extreme, manipulating them so that’s just obviously unethical.
But even the ones that are trying to woo them, trying to charm them, it’s kind of this innocence, right, just trying to get her to like you kind of thing, this is needy behavior. The whole thing is needy. The very act of you going on YouTube or Google, typing this in and spending a lot of time and effort, sacrificing time and effort to learn about this so that you can get this reaction out of them, says that you place a higher priority on what they think of you than your own estimation, your own judgment of yourself. [25:13.8]
To recap, in this episode, we went over the pervasiveness of neediness, not just when you are in front of a woman interacting with her, but from all of your sub communications, the sound of your voice, your body language, your gestures, your word choices, your writing style, your phrasing, the facial expressions you make, the microexpressions, to use a technical term. Then the effect that you have that people get as almost like a gut reaction, but it’s really like their mirror neurons firing about you because they’re picking up on the emotions that you are feeling as you are talking or moving or just standing there. [25:55.8]
Then we went over some examples of needy behavior versus non-needy behavior in everyday life, as well as in common dating scenarios.
Now I want to tell you a quick story about a client named Paul to illustrate how all of this works. When Paul started out on this journey of learning how to get better with women, he first came onto our material online and took some online courses, and he got really good at the outer game, so to speak, the externalities of it.
His body language, his eye contact, his tonality, his fashion really picked up. His lifestyle was growing so that he had developed a lifestyle through my course, “Lifestyle Mastery”, that brought women naturally into his social sphere, into his life, and was like an organic way of meeting new women and he had this going for him all the time 24/7 with his social media accounts and everything that we cover in our various courses, and he was living the player lifestyle. [26:50.1]
But this was all on the outside and, at a certain point, he started to bump up against the limitations of just fixing the exterior, because he was still needy inside, needy for their approval, affirmation, the validation, and when they weren’t responding as well as he wanted them to or they were only responding as well as they did last week or last month, he would start to panic, because he needed to see progress for himself to feel good about himself because he was still needy.
He still put more on their view of him than on his own view of himself, to use Mark’s definition, and he still had not yet learned how to meet his own needs for significance, for security, for connection, and especially for love. No matter how much he overcompensated for that on the outside with status or status displays with fashion, with a baller lifestyle, with good verbal game and acting like a really fun club guy and having a thriving social life, he still was needy and that meant that it was hard for him to sustain any kind of relationships.
He was able to get hookups and one night stands and that sort of thing, but after a woman started to get to know him, she didn’t want to get to know him anymore, so it was hard for him to get past the third date or for a woman to see him more than two or three times, and he started to feel really lonely. [28:14.5]
That’s when he doubled down on my therapeutic courses, which are the courses that I’ve done in more recently in the past, actually past several years, courses like “Rock Solid Relationships” and “Freedom U”, and he really took those to heart and he actually took time for himself, not just for the effect that whatever transformation he makes gets him from women, but really for himself. If he wanted to do it, he would do it.
One of the things he’d been meaning to do was to see parts of the world that were interesting to him that he hadn’t taken the time for, and he wanted to just take that time for himself and kind of an unconscious way of showing love to himself by not making it a pickup trip or like a party trip, but just really for him to be with himself, and he went to places that had a kind of spiritual significance to him and was going on these solo trips, and spent a lot of time meditating and working through the therapeutic process, the therapeutic material, in those more advanced courses that I have in my “Platinum Partnership”. [29:16.5]
As a result, two or three months, about three months after that period of his life, we met up in a foreign country that he was passing through and I was passing through at the same time and he had a completely different vibe. He was displaying totally different sub-communications where I was picking up a very different feeling from him, where instead of where he seemed to be trying hard to impress others, just this sort of veneer of trying too hard, doing too much, this kind of neediness that he was exuding, even though he was still entertaining and pleasurable, but now he was much calmer, much more settled, much more centered, much more grounded, and had left you a lot more space to be you because he was genuinely, sincerely, fully interested and present with you, which was a completely different experience of being with the same person, because he was able to be present with his own parts, with himself, and meet his own needs himself. [30:15.6]
That requires being present, being fully there for you and loving your own parts, including your vulnerable parts, including your needy parts, and that required accessing higher self in him and he had started this journey and is still on it, and it’s amazing to watch his progress through this.
That’s an interesting contrast that I want to just make that you could overcompensate for your neediness in the short term with club game, with flashy lifestyle, with possessions or just show-off type of showy type of things that attract slutty girls, club girls, and they might be into you for a short period of time until they get to know you deeper or until the shit hits the fan and you are now not just entertaining anymore, but you actually need someone to rely on. [31:06.8]
They’re not going to be there for you because they’re just there because of those external goods or value that you give them. When you stop giving them that value, they don’t really care about you as a person, and Paul discovered that the hard way and he discovered that this was a treadmill that he had to keep running. He couldn’t stop, if he wanted to keep this lifestyle up, and that really made him empty inside and what he wanted with something deeper, and so he took that time for himself to go through the therapeutic process as a gift to himself and to his vulnerable parts, to learn about them and learn how to meet his own needs, his own parts’ needs, his inner-child parts and the various other powerful parts of himself.
That leads to one of the objections that I hear along the way when a guy starts to mature enough that he can understand this message of neediness that he’s not so short-term-focused like an adolescent teenager who just wants to get laid. [32:02.2]
Now when a guy gets to the point where he’s able to ask the deeper questions and maybe has reached a certain level of maturity, which is required to follow my material, really, and to follow along with what I’m sharing, the objection might be it’s hard to understand what the therapeutic process is. It’s too vague or ambiguous, or airy-fairy or psychobabbly.
I understand that. I, at one point, thought that myself and that ended up delaying my own maturation for several years, and it ended up with several more years of pain and anguish and going in circles. I don’t want that for you so in the next episode, I’ll be breaking down for you what the therapeutic process is so that it answers the question of, What do I do now? How do I overcome neediness? How do I meet my own needs? Because that’s the answer to it. If you value others’ opinions of yourself over your own opinion of yourself, then you’re needy, and what do you do about that? How do you get rid of that? How do you overcome that? [33:01.6]
You have to learn how to meet your own needs yourself fully, your own emotional, psychological needs yourself, and there’s a process to it and people are not taught how to do this in school, definitely not. People are not taught or modeled how to do this at home for the most part, and only in the past few years has an acceptance of therapy reached this sort of mass level of consciousness, but even then, for most dudes, it’s not I think.
I get the feeling that, for most dudes, it’s not, bit there are a lot of books in the New York Times Best Seller lists that have to do with therapy, like The Body Keeps the Score is still going strong, so these are good signs, very encouraging signs. But if you want a straightforward, definitive therapeutic process, as a man, to help you, as a byproduct, succeed with women in dating and relationships, there’s a process, a therapeutic process, that I’ve researched, tested, have done for myself and for hundreds of others in person, thousands online, has been proven out over and over, has been built on empirically-backed research that goes back decades and has decades of scientific verification, then come back to the next episode where I go into more depth on that. [34:17.8]
You can also just go ahead and get the “Platinum Partnership”, which gives you access to all of the deeper therapeutic courses, as well as the ones that will help you with your lifestyle, with conversation on a date, with how to have a thriving social circle in social life, and even fashion. All right? All of that is covered as well, covers everything under the sun for how a man can have a thriving dating life, social life, and relationship. Go check that out, the link, wherever you’re listening to this.
I look forward to welcoming you to the next episode. Thanks so much for listening. If you liked it, hit like on whatever platform you’re seeing this. If you have feedback, I want to hear it, so please leave a comment and share this with anyone that you think would benefit from it.
Thank you so much for that and I will see you in the next episode. Until then, David Tian, signing it. [35:05.2]
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