Stop Striving to be an Alpha Male: It’s Sabotaging Your Life | (#157) The Masculine Psychology Podcast with David Tian

Welcome to the Masculine Psychology Podcast, where we answer key questions in relationships, attraction, success, and fulfillment. Now, here’s your host, world-renowned therapist and life coach, David Tian.

Welcome to the Masculine Psychology Podcast. I’m David Tian, your host, and in this episode, we’re exploring the real meaning of the alpha-male concept in today’s world and its proper role in a healthy, happy life for a modern man. Without a healthier understanding of the alpha-male concept, you might get lost in the toxic internet discussions that are often led by bitter, resentful men. These forums often idolize the fake alpha male as the ultimate role model, which can lead you down a destructive path. [00:50.0]

One of the foremost researchers in this area in the world and in history, Frans de Waal, a renowned primatologist, points out that true alpha males are often admired for their empathy and ability to protect the underdog. They maintain peace, showing that leadership involves more than mere dominance. We’ll break down these misconceptions and explore how you can embody a healthier, more fulfilling version of masculinity.

Okay, I’ve got six points here, and so let’s start with the first one, which is unpacking the myth of the alpha male. In popular culture, the term “alpha male” is thrown around a lot. People use it to describe the guy who is always in charge, the loudest voice in the room, the one who dominates everyone else. But that’s not quite right. That’s not actually accurate.

Technically, the term “alpha male” simply denotes the individual at the top of a hierarchy, nothing more, nothing less. The concept of the alpha male has roots in animal behavior studies. Frans de Waal—and that’s spelled Frans, F-R-A-N-S, space, de, D-E, and Waal is W-A-A-L, Frans de Waal—has spent decades studying primates, and he’s got a lot to say about this. In fact, he was the first and foremost popularizer of the term “alpha male” in popular discourse. [02:13.5]

According to de Waal, the term “alpha male” originally came from research on wolves. It was used to describe the highest-ranking male in a pack. Simple enough, right? In his groundbreaking research, as reported in his book Chimpanzee Politics, de Waal describes how real alpha males in chimpanzee societies aren’t just the biggest bullies. They’re often the ones who show the most empathy, protect the weak, and maintain peace within the group.

In his TED talks, which have been viewed millions of times now, de Waal tells a great story about a chimp named Amos. Amos was an alpha male who got sick and lost his position. Other chimps didn’t just abandon him, though. Instead, they brought him food and comfort, showing how much they respected and cared for him. Amos wasn’t just a leader because he was strong. He was loved because he took care of his group. [03:05.3]

This isn’t the image that we get from modern pop culture, though. The media often portrays alpha males as dominant, aggressive and sometimes even ruthless. You can think of characters like Tony Soprano or Gordon Gekko in the Wall Street movies. They’re powerful, but they’re also bullies, and while they might command respect out of fear, they don’t inspire genuine admiration or loyalty. de Waal argues that this portrayal in pop culture misses the mark. True alpha males, whether in chimpanzee societies or human ones, are often more complex. They balance strength with empathy, dominance with compassion, and this makes them effective leaders and well-liked individuals, and their leadership lasts over time. [03:52.2]

So, how did we get this so wrong? Part of the problem is that the term “alpha male” got picked up by people who wanted to sell books, seminars or coaching programs. Self-help gurus and business coaches latched on to the idea and proposed that being an alpha male meant being the biggest, baddest guy around. They pushed the idea that to succeed, you had to dominate everyone else and win at everyone else’s expense.

But this approach is toxic. If you’re constantly trying to prove you’re the top dog, you’re likely to alienate a lot of other people and create unnecessary conflict. It also puts a lot of pressure on you to always be on top, which can lead to stress and burnout.

Let’s break down this misconception. Being an alpha male isn’t about being a bully. It’s about being a leader, and true leadership that lasts over time involves more than just strength. It requires empathy, compassion, and the ability to build strong, supportive relationships. de Waal’s Research shows that in primate societies, alpha males often play the role of peacemakers. They break up fights, protect weaker members, and ensure that the group functions smoothly. This isn’t just about being nice. It’s a smart strategy for maintaining their position. By keeping the group stable and harmonious, they reduce the likelihood of challenges to their authority. [05:14.8]

Human beings aren’t so different. The most effective leaders are those who can balance strength with compassion. They’re the ones who can earn genuine respect and loyalty, not just through fear. This kind of leadership leads to a healthier, more supportive environment, whether in a workplace, a community or family. Understanding this can help you navigate your own life more effectively.

Instead of trying to be the loudest, most dominant person in the room, taking up the most room, focus instead on building real connections. Show empathy and support for others. Be someone that others can rely on and trust. This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover or a pleaser. You can still be strong and assertive, but temper that strength with compassion and understanding. [06:04.5]

In the end, the goal isn’t to be some stereotypical alpha male in the way that pop culture defines it. The goal should be to be a well-rounded, emotionally-intelligent leader, and this is the kind of masculinity that can lead to a truly fulfilling and happy life. So, the next time you hear someone talking about being an alpha male, remember what we’ve covered so far today. Real alphas aren’t bullies. They’re leaders who balance strength with empathy, dominance with compassion. They’re the ones who make their groups stronger and more harmonious.

Okay, now let’s move on to the second point and here we’re going to go even deeper into exploring the psychology that’s driving the desire to be seen as an alpha male. Understanding these root causes can help you break free from the toxic cycle of trying to prove yourself and, instead, find true happiness and fulfillment. [06:56.8]

Okay, let’s start by looking at these root causes. Why do some men feel such a strong need to be seen as alpha males? The answer often lies in deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Carl Jung, one of the founding figures in psychotherapy, spoke extensively about the shadow self. These are the parts of ourselves that we hide or deny because we find them unacceptable. For many men, feelings of weakness or vulnerability or fear get shoved into the shadows, and the more we deny these parts of ourselves, the more they control us, but from the shadows in our unconscious.

In the quest to be seen as an alpha male, these hidden insecurities often drive behavior. Men might overcompensate by trying to appear dominant, aggressive or invulnerable, but this pursuit is a mask and anyone who’s mature enough can see right through it. These are just ways to hide from those deeper feelings of inadequacy, and for that man doing it, it’s exhausting. [08:00.2]

IFS therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy, an evidence-based psychotherapeutic model offers a complementary perspective. In IFS, there are these parts of us that are called exiles, those parts of us that carry pain and vulnerability. To protect these exiled parts of us, other parts of our psyche take on more extreme roles, like trying to be the alpha male, and these protector parts believe that by being tough and dominant, they can keep the vulnerability and the vulnerable parts safe, but this internal war can never lead to peace or fulfillment.

Also, traditional notions of masculinity, including the stereotypical alpha male ideal, often stem from a disconnection from our true selves and from others, and this disconnection leads to loneliness and a perpetual cycle of trying to prove our worth through dominance and control. The very act of striving to be an alpha male confirms this disconnection and underlying unhappiness. [09:02.0]

If you’re constantly trying to prove that you’re the strongest or the most dominant or the most alpha, what does that say about your internal state? It suggests a lack of self-acceptance. It indicates that you don’t feel good enough just as you are, so you need to put on a façade, and this façade might fool some, but deep down, you know the truth, and that truth is where the unhappiness and insecurities lie.

So, what’s the alternative? How do you break free from this cycle? The first step is to acknowledge and accept those parts of yourself that you’ve been trying so hard to hide. This might sound counterintuitive, especially in a toxic culture that prizes strength and dominance over everything else, but true strength comes from the courage to accept yourself and the courage to face your vulnerability.

Carl Jung believed that integrating our shadow selves is essential for psychological health. By bringing these hidden parts of us into the light, you can begin to understand and accept them. This doesn’t mean you have to like every part of yourself yet, but acknowledging them is the first step towards healing and integration. [10:11.5]

IFS therapy offers practical tools for this process. By recognizing the different parts of your psyche, the protectors, the exiles, you can start to have a compassionate dialog with yourself. Understanding why certain parts of you have taken on extreme roles allows you to address the underlying pain and vulnerability in a healthy way.

True fulfillment comes not from dominating others, but from building genuine, supportive relationships with yourself and with others. This means being open, honest and vulnerable with yourself first and with those around you that you trust. It’s about moving away from the isolated, competitive nature and mindset of the stereotypical alpha male and towards a more collaborative, empathetic way of being. [10:58.7]

Imagine a life where you no longer have to feel the need to prove yourself constantly. Instead of striving to be the alpha male, you focus on being your authentic, genuine self. You build relationships based on respect and understanding, and you find fulfillment and connection, not in trying to dominate somebody else. This doesn’t mean you have to give up on being strong or assertive, or just be a pushover. True strength lies in balancing these qualities with empathy and vulnerability. It’s about being a well-rounded, emotionally-intelligent person. When you can accept and integrate all parts of yourself, you become more resilient and genuinely happy.

I made an earlier podcast episode on how to balance these two poles of courage and compassion, and why it’s so important if what you’re after in life is fulfillment. This journey towards true happiness and true fulfillment starts with your self-awareness. Take the time to reflect on your motivations and behaviors. Are you trying to be an alpha male to hide deeper insecurities? If so, it’s time to address those root causes directly. [12:09.0]

Remember the goal in life as a man shouldn’t be to try to become some kind of stereotypical alpha male. A healthier goal is to become a whole, integrated and fulfilled person. By understanding and addressing the neediness and insecurity driving the alpha pursuit, you can start to build a life that’s genuinely happy and fulfilling.

Okay, so far, we’ve covered a lot about the myth of the alpha male and the insecurities driving that pursuit. Now let’s get to the third point, which is where we’re going to dig into why this quest for alpha status often leads to a lack of genuine fulfillment. One of the biggest issues with chasing the alpha-male ideal is the constant need for external validation. Many men strive to be seen as the top dog, because they crave approval from others. They want to be admired, respected and even feared. [13:00.6]

But here’s the big problem, external validation is always fleeting. It’s like a drug. You get a hit of approval, and then you feel great for a moment, and then it fades, because you have to keep getting that approval, so you chase after the next hit and the next and the next, and you have to reconfirm that you’re still approved, and it’s a never-ending cycle.

This need for external validation is exhausting. You’re constantly trying to prove yourself, always on edge, never able to relax, always wondering if you’re really good enough. You might achieve moments of recognition or praise, but those moments are temporary. They can never provide lasting satisfaction or happiness. Instead, they leave you feeling empty once the high wears off.

This pursuit often leads to shallow relationships. When you’re focused on being the alpha, you tend to build connections based on dominance or control. You might surround yourself with people who boost your ego or validate your status, yes men or women, but these relationships, by definition, will lack depth. They’re built on a foundation of fear, not emotional connection. [14:10.0]

If your relationships are based on power dynamics, can you really trust those connections? Are people with you because they genuinely care about you or because they see you as a means to their ends? These relationships don’t offer the emotional support and intimacy that lead to genuine fulfillment. They’re superficial and, deep down, I’m sure you know it.

True fulfillment comes from meaningful relationships. It’s about connecting with others on a deeper level, sharing your vulnerabilities and building trust, and this can only happen when you’re genuine with each other, when you’re authentic with each other, not hiding behind a mask of fake or stereotypical alpha male. Meaningful relationships offer real support and companionship, not just ego boosts. [14:57.0]

Let’s break this down even further. If you’re always trying to dominate and control others, you’re likely pushing them away. People don’t want to be manipulated or used. It doesn’t feel good. People want to be seen and valued for who they are. By focusing on dominance, you’re missing out on the richness that comes from genuine connection.

On top of that, building relationships on control creates a lot of stress. You have to constantly maintain your position of power, which means always being on guard. This kind of stress takes a toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing and physical wellbeing. It’s hard to relax and be yourself when you’re always trying to uphold this façade of invulnerability.

Contrast this with relationships built on genuine connection and emotional intimacy. In these relationships, you can be yourself. You don’t have to put on a façade or constantly have to prove your worth. You can share your fears, insecurities and dreams without fearing judgment. This kind of openness fosters deep, meaningful connections that are truly fulfilling. [16:02.5]The pursuit of alpha status might bring you temporary thrills in moments of validation, but it won’t lead to lasting happiness. Define genuine fulfillment. Focus on building real relationships. Prioritize empathy, compassion, and mutual respect. These qualities might not make you the stereotypical alpha male, but they will make you a well-rounded, psychologically-integrated, emotionally-healthy individual. This is about shifting your mindset. Stop chasing external validation and start looking inward. Understand and address your deeper insecurities. Build relationships that are based on genuine connection, not power dynamics. [16:42.7]

No matter their physical strength, for many men, emotions are too much for them to handle. It’s why they can’t give women the deeper levels of emotional intimacy and connection that they crave. It’s why they fail to be the man that modern women desire most: a man with inner strength, a man who has mastered his emotions.

Find out how to master your emotions through David Tian’s “Emotional Mastery” program. The Emotional Mastery program is a step-by-step system that integrates the best of empirically-verified psychotherapy methods and reveals how to master your internal state and develop the inner strength that makes you naturally attractive, happy, and fulfilled.

Learn more about this transformational program by going to DavidTianPhD.com/EmotionalMastery.

That’s D-A-V-I-D-T-I-A-N-P-H-D [dot] com [slash] emotional mastery.

Okay, so far, we’ve explored the myth of the alpha male and the emptiness of seeking external validation. Now let’s get into the fourth point where we’ll dig into the psychological impact of pursuing Alpha status. This chase for dominance can really mess with your head in a lot more ways than you might realize. Plus, the very motivation of trying to be an alpha male will guarantee that you’re not the alpha male. First, let’s talk about the pressure and the stress. [18:05.2]

Striving to be an alpha male means constantly trying to dominate and compete with others. You have to be the best, the strongest, the most assertive, in the stereotypical sense. This sounds exhausting, right? Because it is. You’re always on high alert, always in, really, survival mode, looking for threats to your status. You can never relax because someone might outshine you. This constant vigilance creates immense psychological pressure and an accretion of toxic chemicals in your physical body.

Imagine walking into a room and feeling like you need to assert your dominance over everyone every single time. You scan the crowd, identify potential rivals and figure out how to outdo them. It’s like a never-ending competition. This kind of stress wears you down. It’s not sustainable, and it certainly doesn’t lead to happiness or fulfillment. [18:56.1]

Then there’s the need to maintain a facade of strength. You have to look tough and invulnerable, but in reality, the truth is nobody is invulnerable. We all have fears, insecurities, and moments of weakness, and we all will die. Pretending otherwise is just that, pretending. Keeping up this façade is draining. You can’t be yourself because you’re too busy playing a role.

Now, let’s get into the emotional suppression and repression that comes with this. The stereotypical alpha-male ideal tells you that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, so you bottle them up. Anger? Just push it down. Sadness? Hide it. Fear? Pretend it doesn’t exist. But emotions don’t just disappear just because you ignore them. They fester and build up, leading to much bigger problems down the road.

Suppressing and repressing emotions can lead to serious issues, like depression and anxiety. When you don’t deal with your feelings, they find other ways to come out, sabotaging you. Maybe you snap at someone over something trivial or you find yourself feeling constantly on edge. These are signs that your emotions are demanding attention. [20:13.4]

Another consequence of this emotional repression is a lack of authentic connection. Real relationships require vulnerability. They’re built on sharing not just your strengths, but also your weaknesses, the fullness of you, all of you. If you’re always putting up a front, people can’t get to know the real, actual you. You end up with shallow relationships predicated on your masks or your façades, and these don’t provide the support and intimacy that we need.

So, what’s the alternative? Start by giving yourself permission to feel. Emotions aren’t a sign of weakness. They’re a natural part of being human. Allow yourself to experience the fullness of your emotions. You can talk about them with trusted friends or a therapeutic coach. This process can be liberating and can lead to deeper, far more meaningful relationships. [21:09.8]

Another step is to redefine strength. Real strength isn’t about dominating others. It’s about having the courage to know yourself fully and being comfortable with who you are. It’s about resilience, being antifragile, and the ability to face challenges without needing to prove anything to anyone. When you embrace this kind of strength, you can let go of the constant need to compete and dominate.

If you want lasting happiness and fulfillment, then you’ll need to become a whole, integrated person, not trying to live up to some stereotyped alpha-male ideal. This means accepting all parts of yourself, your strengths and your vulnerabilities, your triumphs and your mistakes. It’s about building genuine connections and living a life that feels true to who you are. [22:02.3]

Okay, so we’ve talked about the pressures and the emotional toll of trying to live up to the stereotypical alpha-male ideal. Now let’s get into the fifth point, which I’ll start with a crucial question—is it better to strive to become an alpha male or to become a good and happy person? To answer this fully, let’s first look at the traits commonly associated with the stereotypical alpha male.

People often think of alpha males as dominant, assertive and powerful, right? They command attention, they lead from the front, and sometimes they instill fear. But dominance and power don’t necessarily lead to goodness or happiness. Take Hitler, for example. By many definitions, he was an alpha male. He inspired and led his entire country and many Allied countries to war against the rest of the world, and he did this for decades. So, he was a leader. He had power, influence, and he dominated those around him, but he was neither good nor, by all accounts, happy. His life ended in misery and destruction, not just for himself, but for many millions of others. [23:14.7]

Compare that to someone like Nelson Mandela. I mentioned Mandela in my recent episode on courage and compassion. Mandela wasn’t focused on being the most dominant person in the room. Instead, he focused on being good and creating positive change and doing the right thing. He embodied qualities like moral integrity, kindness, courage, compassion, and empathy. Despite spending 27 years in prison, he emerged with a spirit of forgiveness and a commitment to reconciliation with those who imprisoned him wrongly. Mandela’s legacy is one of peace and happiness, not just for himself, but for entire nations. [23:56.7]

Let’s break down what it means to be good and happy. A good person shows kindness, compassion, and integrity. They build others up rather than tearing them down. They seek to understand and support rather than dominate and control. These traits might not make you the loudest or most feared person in the room, but they create deep, meaningful connections and lead to lasting happiness.

On the other hand, the pursuit of the stereotypical alpha status often leads to shallow relationships and constant stress. If your primary goal is to dominate others, you miss out on the richness of genuine human connection. Relationships based on emotional connection and empathy are far more fulfilling than those built on fear and control. [24:46.2]

Let’s look at just a couple more positive role models as examples of people who have embodied these principles. Take Fred Rogers, the beloved host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Mister Rogers was never the loudest voice in the room. He wasn’t physically imposing or dominant, but he exuded kindness, empathy, and moral integrity. His quiet strength and unwavering commitment to goodness made a lasting impact on millions of children and adults, and he was an incredible leader and pioneer. Mister Rogers’ example shows us that true power can come from being kind and understanding.

Another great example is the Dalai Lama. Despite facing exile and constant threats, the Dalai Lama remains a figure of peace and compassion. His teachings focus on love, empathy and understanding. He doesn’t seek to dominate others. He seeks to uplift them. His life is a testament to the fact that you can be influential and respected without being aggressive or domineering.

So, what does this mean for us? Striving to be an alpha male might bring you fleeting moments of power, but it won’t lead to lasting happiness or fulfillment. Instead, focus on becoming a good and happy person. Prioritize compassion, kindness, empathy, and especially integrity. Build relationships based on emotional connection and understanding. [26:12.7]

Again, this doesn’t mean you can’t be strong or assertive. Strength and assertiveness are important qualities, but they should be balanced with compassion and empathy. True strength comes from knowing who you are and standing by your values, not from dominating others. Imagine a world where more people prioritized goodness over dominance. We’d have more leaders like Mandela and Mister Rogers. We’d see more acts of kindness, more understanding and more genuine connections. This is the kind of world worth striving for. [26:47.8]

In your own life, make a conscious effort to embody these qualities. Practice kindness and empathy in your interactions. Stand up for what you believe in, and do so with compassion and understanding. Seek to build others up rather than tearing them down. Seek to do the right thing. Remember, the goal isn’t to be the loudest or most dominant person in a room. The goal is to be a good, happy and fulfilled person. By focusing on these qualities, you’ll create a life that’s not only successful, but also deeply satisfying.

Okay, so far, we’ve talked about the pitfalls of pursuing the stereotypical alpha status and the importance of being good and happy. Now let’s get into the sixth and final point where we’re going to explore some alternative models of masculinity that can lead to a more fulfilling life. Okay, first up, let’s look at a healthier kind of masculinity, which is about balancing strength with emotional intelligence, empathy and collaborative leadership. It’s not about dominating others, but about lifting them up and working together for a cause.

Let’s look at some examples drawn from pop culture, because I found that these have really helped my clients, and it means I know we’re mostly on the same page, since I don’t know how much you know about Nelson Mandela or Mister Rogers, or a real-life figure, without having you read a 700-page biography or something. [28:12.2]

Let’s take Russell Crowe’s character, Maximus in Gladiator. I’ve recently seen trailers for Gladiator II coming out. I hope it’s good, but I love the first movie. Russell Crowe’s main character, Maximus, in that movie, is a strong, fearless warrior, and a commander and leader, but he also shows deep loyalty, compassion and emotional intelligence. He fights for what he believes in and not just for personal glory. He cares about his men and leads them with integrity. This combination of strength and empathy makes him a powerful leader and a respected figure.

Another great example is from another great movie, Braveheart, Mel Gibson’s William Wallace, and Wallace is undoubtedly tough and assertive, but he also fights for freedom and justice. His leadership inspires others to join his cause. Wallace’s masculinity is about more than brute force. It’s about passion, empathy, emotional intelligence and a commitment to a greater good and doing the right thing. [29:13.2]

Okay, then there’s fan favorite Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings. Aragorn is a skilled warrior, a natural leader, but what sets him apart is his humility and compassion. He doesn’t seek power for its own sake. Instead, he takes on leadership because it’s necessary for the wellbeing of others and for the realm. Aragorn’s blend of strength, humility and empathy make him an ideal model of healthy masculinity.

These well-known characters show us that true masculinity isn’t about being the loudest or the most dominant. It’s about balancing strength with emotional intelligence and empathy. It’s about leading collaboratively and lifting others up. [29:54.8]

Now let’s talk about the importance of doing the inner work and self-actualization. True happiness and fulfillment come from within. It’s not about how others see you, but about how you see yourself. Engaging in inner work helps you understand your strengths, your vulnerabilities and your motivations. It’s about getting to know yourself on a deeper level and striving to become better, to grow, to mature.

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for inner work. It helps you stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Regular mindfulness practice can reduce stress, improve emotional regulation and increase self-awareness. It’s a simple yet effective way to connect with yourself and understand your inner world, and it forms a big part of my Emotional Mastery program.

Psychotherapy is another valuable resource for self-actualization. Working with a good therapist or therapeutic coach can help you explore your emotions, identifying patterns in your behavior that keep you stuck and developing healthier coping strategies. Therapy provides a safe space to delve into your past and address any unresolved issues that might be holding you back. Let me share a client case study to illustrate these points. [31:12.9]

Meet . . . let’s call him John. John was a successful entrepreneur in his mid-40s, and John came to me feeling stressed and unfulfilled despite his professional success. He had been chasing the stereotypical alpha male ideal, always trying to dominate in his field and prove his worth. This constant pressure left him feeling anxious and disconnected from those around him without even realizing it.

We started by exploring John’s deeper motivations and his core insecurities. Through the therapeutic process, John realized that his drive for dominance stemmed from a deep-seated fear of inadequacy, of not being enough. He had been trying to prove himself because he simply didn’t feel good enough, just as he was. Recognizing this was a big breakthrough for John. [31:59.2]

We also introduced mindfulness and presence practices into his routine, and John began meditating daily, sometimes twice a day, which helped him stay present and manage his stress. He also started journaling, which allowed him to process his thoughts and emotions more effectively and have a deeper understanding of the various parts of him that were at war with each other.

We then focused on building healthier relationships in his life. John learned to communicate more openly and vulnerably with his family and his close friends. He stopped trying to control and dominate conversations or win debates, and instead focused on listening and empathizing with others, first and foremost. This shift led to much deeper, more fulfilling connections.

Then, finally, we moved into John’s leadership style. Inspired by figures like Maximus and Aragorn, John started leading his team with empathy and collaboration. He encouraged input from his employees and team members, and valued their perspectives. This not only improved his overall team morale, but also led to much better business outcomes. [33:07.1]

Through his therapeutic journey, John discovered that true strength lies in the courage to be vulnerable, to have compassion and to work towards collaboration with others. He let go of the alpha-male façade and embraced a healthier, more integrated version of masculinity. As a result, he felt happier, more connected and genuinely fulfilled.

In your own journey, consider these alternative models of masculinity to the toxic, stereotyped alpha male. Embrace emotional intelligence, empathy, compassion, and collaborative leadership. Engage in inner work through mindfulness, therapy and personal-growth practices, and in so doing, you can create a life that’s not only successful, but also deeply satisfying and fulfilling. [33:54.8]

Okay, so let’s recap what we’ve covered so far. We started by debunking the myth of the alpha male. The traditional idea of being the biggest, baddest guy around just doesn’t hold up anymore. True leadership isn’t about dominance and aggression. It’s about balancing strength with empathy, compassion and emotional intelligence. We looked at examples, like Maximus from Gladiator, William Wallace from Braveheart, and Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings, to show that real heroes lead with compassion and integrity.

We dove into the psychological impacts of chasing alpha status, the constant pressure to dominate, and the need for external validation, that create immense stress. Suppressing emotions to maintain a façade of strength can lead to issues like clinical depression and Anxiety. Instead of building genuine connections, you end up with shallow relationships based on fear and control.

We also discussed how the pursuit of alpha status is often driven by insecurity and neediness. These root causes need to be addressed directly for true happiness and lasting fulfillment. We talked about how this pursuit confirms underlying unhappiness and how real strength comes from accepting and integrating all the parts of yourself. [35:06.6]

We also explored alternative models of masculinity. Healthier masculinity focuses on emotional intelligence, empathy, collaborative leadership, engaging in inner work through mindfulness, the therapeutic process and personal growth practices like journaling.

In closing, remember that the goal isn’t to be the loudest or most dominant person. It’s to become a good, happy and fulfilled person. Prioritize kindness, empathy, and especially integrity. Build meaningful, genuine connections. Engage in inner work. By doing so, you will lead a life that’s not only successful, but also deeply fulfilling.Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you’ve gotten this far, then, hopefully, you’ve gotten something from this. Please share it with anyone else that you think could benefit from it. Thank you so much again for listening. I look forward to welcoming you to the next episode. Until then, David Tian, signing out. [35:58.7]