In this talk in February 2019 in San Diego — originally entitled, “The Hidden Power of Recovery for Life & Love” — I reveal how the underlying insecurities behind our core neediness are the same ones that lead not only to well-known addictions like alcohol, sex, and drug addiction, but also to more socially acceptable addictions like money, fame, social validation, show-off experiences and things, narcissistic ego supply, etc. The same pathway that has left many men unsuccessful with women, dating, relationships, and life overall… is the same thing that the famous 12-step groups seek to heal and grow. This talk draws inspiration from Russell Brand’s excellent book “Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions.”

For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has helped hundreds of thousands of people from over 87 countries find happiness, success, and fulfillment in their social, professional, and love lives. His presentations – whether keynotes, seminars, or workshops – leave clients with insights into their behavior, psychology, and keys to their empowerment. His training methodologies are the result of over a decade of coaching and education of thousands of students around the world. Join him in this special seminar series as he explores deep questions of the psychological bases for mating in the modern world. Subscribe now.

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You’re Probably A Bit Fk’ed (So Was I) & Here’s What To Do About It The Hidden Power of Recovery


The Hidden Power of Recovery Show Notes:

0:11 Why should you care about addiction research?

6:28 How effective is the 12-step program to transformation?

10:35 Why would you need the 12-step program in your life?

15:02 Is addictive behavior a coping strategy?

20:37 Step 1: Are you a bit fucked?

24:19 How addiction starts

30:51 Step 2: Could you not be fucked?

34:31 How to encounter the the positive intents of the various parts of you

41:01 Step 3: Are you, on your own, going to ‘unfuck’ yourself?

46:40 How to replace a bad habit with a new habit

51:01 Why would you want to be free from the “cult of not enough”?

56:12 What therapy helps you find

1:01:18 Step 4: Write down all the things that are fucking you up or have ever fucked you up and don’t lie or leave anything out.

1:05:57 Step 5: Honestly, tell someone trustworthy about how fucked you are.

1:09:50 Step 6: Well, that’s revealed a lot of fucked up patterns. Do you want to stop it? Seriously?

1:12:35 Step 7: Are you willing to live in a new way that’s not all about you and your previous fucked up stuff? You have to.

1:17:26 Step 8: Prepare to apologize to everyone for everything affected by your being so fucked up.

1:21:15 Step 9: Now apologize. Unless that would make things worse.

1:25:43 Step 10: Watch out for fucked up thinking and behavior, and be honest when it happens.

1:30:52 How to discover your True Self

1:37:57 Step 11: Stay connected to your new perspective.

1:42:52 Why we end up in addictive cycles

1:47:43 This is a necessary part of your personal transformation

1:55:10 Step 12: Look at life less selfishly, be nice to everyone, help people if you can.

2:00:38 The prerequisite of being in Flow


You’re Probably A Bit F**k’ed (So Was I) & Here’s What To Do About It: The Hidden Power of Recovery Shownotes

  • David Tian Ph.D. reveal that our addiction towards money, social validation, and so on is coming from our underlying insecurities. Our core neediness is also the root of known addictions such as drugs, alcohol, sex.

  • David Tian Ph.D. explore the reason why we get into addictive patterns and why it’s difficult to stop it.

  • Russel Brand has a 12-step program for addictions and David Tian Ph.D. explains how this is also applicable to men who are unsuccessful with dating, relationships, and life in general.

  • David Tian Ph.D. emphasizes the importance of getting therapy.

  • In this talk, David Tian Ph.D. describe how necessary it is to get a personal transformation to stop the addictive cycle.