Most high achievers have been sold a lie: that Chaos is a threat that will take everything from you, and the only way to handle it is with more control.
But if you look into any high achiever’s life, relationships, or business, you’ll see a similar through line: They’re quietly miserable no matter how much material success they’ve accumulated.
Why does this same story play out across so many lives?
Because when you try to control chaos, you cut yourself off from half of life. Peace doesn’t come from a lack of chaos, it comes in the midst of chaos. And chaos is the raw material of growth, creativity, love, and leadership.

If you wanted to grow bigger muscles, you could read all the strength training books you wanted. But until you go to the gym and apply your knowledge to your body, your muscles will never grow.
That’s the same way the muscle of connection works. But for some reason, high achievers especially are prone to fall into the trap of thinking they can build connection by listening to podcasts, reading books, or even going into individual therapy.
This misses the mark that connection is a skill. And the only way to improve at a skill is to practice it with other people.
In today’s show, you’ll discover why connection is a skill that can be honed with practice, how to start practicing it (even if it feels uncomfortable), and what your life could be like with intentional practice.

Most people who struggle with connection chalk it up to a personality trait. They think their personality, which benefits them in other areas, just makes connection harder for them.
But this is actually a defense mechanism in disguise, created by a protective part of you that was created by an old wound. This wounded part of you whispers into your ear that connection will come if you just hustle more, achieve more accolades, or have more material success.
But this protective part of you is stuck in old beliefs that protected you in your formative years, but will sabotage you in adult life.
That’s the bad news.
The good news?

Successful high achievers think they can always rely on themselves more than on other people. This idea helped fuel their success.
But it’s also why their success isn’t fulfilling, and why they feel on the verge of burnout.
In fact, a deep-rooted drive to do everything yourself is a sign that something’s off under the surface. Isolation isn’t a strength. It’s a slow acting poison that leads to burnout, frustration, and an early grave.
And you know what?
If you resonate with this, you’ve just encountered a problem that you cannot solve alone.
Why?

If you’re a high achiever, you probably have a tendency to prioritize work above all else. Results are the most important thing to you. And all the other stuff—like deep relationships that offer true connection—are treated as “nice to haves.”
But this is perhaps the biggest tragedy a high achiever could face. Because when something hits the fan one day (whether a gut-wrenching divorce, a paralyzing business problem, or even achieving a massive milestone), there’s nobody you care about whom you can really turn to. Nobody who actually cares about your triumphs or tribulations.
Worst part?
You never feel truly fulfilled because you can’t be fulfilled without connection. Instead, you just feel empty. Like something deep is missing.
And you know what?

Most people chalk up their attraction problems to external sources: Maybe they think they need better strategies and skills. Or they believe that dating apps are against them. Or maybe it’s just that they’re unlucky.
Here’s the bad news:
If you’ve been struggling with attraction, confidence, or relationships, the problem isn’t some external force working against you. The real issue is the unconscious patterns, your “Relationship Blueprint,” controlling your life.
Worst part?
Since your mind creates your “Relationship Blueprint” early in your formative years, most people don’t even realize it’s pulling all the strings. And until you face these unconscious patterns, the same unconscious patterns will keep popping up and sabotaging your relationships.
But I also have good news:

As a former player myself, I know first-hand how crushing the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” is. Almost all players fall into this psychological trap that only leads to rage, doubt, depression, and despair.
But you know what?
It’s not just players who are at risk of falling into this sabotaging cycle. Any one who builds his or her identity around external validation is at risk of falling into this deep emotional hole, where compulsive self-destruction and total emptiness become your new normal.
To drive home just how devastating the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, today’s episode looks at a real life example of how this cycle plays out. In today’s show, we’re analyzing the tragic rise and fall of one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, Erik von Markovik, better known as Mystery.

People who want to improve at dating often fall into the trap of tactics. And they fundamentally believe that their lack of success is not because of them, but because of the modern dating world.
So they seek to “optimize” individual tactics involved in modern dating—fixing their profile on dating apps, becoming more successful in their career, hitting the gym and getting a six-pack—without ever confronting the real root cause of their dating failures:
Themselves!
Of course, this route is far easier than confronting your deep-rooted emotional issues. You may even experience short-term successes too: More dates, getting laid more often, and being surrounded by beautiful women more often.
But this short-term success comes with a cost…

Does your relationship feel like it’s dying a slow death? The passion is gone. The original spark has been extinguished. And resentment for your partner may even be surfacing.
Here’s the truth: This is a “stress test” all relationships go through. But if you’re a people pleaser, then, well, this is usually where your relationship goes to die.
Why?
Because people pleasers see the signs of a relationship dying and unknowingly double down on the exact things that drove the relationship to the graveyard in the first place. This only suffocates it faster.
So, how do you handle this relationship problem in a way that fosters attraction, commitment, and enjoyment in your relationship instead of smothering it?

When you want to become more successful in business, relationships, or life, most people focus on tactics, strategies, and skills.
But there’s a bigger obstacle to your success than your lack of tactics, strategies, and skills… In fact, without first addressing this obstacle, success will never come easy, no matter how hard you keep pushing.
Why?
Because the obstacle you have to overcome is yourself. And no amount of pushing, prodding, or plotting can help you outrun yourself.
That’s the bad news.
The good news?