Ask your private questions and get access to exclusive bonuses and coaching through our private Facebook Group. Join now: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/#

For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D. — a uniquely qualified therapist, life coach, and former university professor — has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their relationships, dating, psychology, and lifestyle.

Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore.

The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man” (https://www.davidtianphd.com/blog/), is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in the Man Up private Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/) and answers based on his experience coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.

Connect with David Tian here:

Website: https://www.davidtianphd.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/davidtianphd
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAuraUniversity
Man Up Show Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/
DTPHD Podcast Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dtphdpodcast/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidtianphd/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masuline-psychology/id1570318182
Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9tYXN1bGluZXBzeWNob2xvZ3kubGlic3luLmNvbS9yc3M
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4LAVM2zYO4xfGxVRATSQxN?si=URDTzPtwS–HK5boiYm33Q
Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9kdHBoZHBvZGNhc3QubGlic3luLmNvbS9yc3M
DTPHD Podcast: https://www.davidtianphd.com/dtphdpodcast
Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-podcast-factory/masuline-psychology
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/user-980450970
Podbean: https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/bkcgh-1f9774/Masuline-Psychology-Podcast
Tune In: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Education-Podcasts/Masculine-Psychology-p1449411/
Anchor: https://anchor.fm/davidtian
LinkedIn: https://sg.linkedin.com/in/davidtianphd
Twitter: https://twitter.com/davidtianphd
Invincible Reviews: https://www.auratransformation.org/david-tian-invincible-review/

Manic Fairy Dream Girls & The Nice Guys Who Worship Them

• David Tian Ph.D. describes type of men that are attracted to manic fairy/pixie dream girls.

• David Tian Ph.D. explains the connection of codependency to narcissism.

• He also explores the Dark Side of the nice guy’s persona.

• In this Man Up episode, David Tian Ph.D. discusses what happens when two people try to fix each other’s neurosis.

David Tian: Boom! Stop. In this video, I address the topic: manic fairy dream girls, and the nice guys who worship them. Welcome to Man Up Episode 194.

Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up!

Hey, man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and welcome to Man Up Episode 194. For over the past 10 years, I have been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness and fulfillment in life and love.

And this is a very special episode. I’m building on the previous episode where I went into the fixer mindset. If you haven’t seen that one yet, watch that first. It’s long-ish. Part of the reason is I made notes before I started recording that one. And whenever I make notes, it gets longer.

I’m not doing any notes for this one, and hopefully I can keep it shorter just off the top of my head, but it was a very important theme coming out of the fixer mindset, the type of relationships that fixers get into, and the type of women that they are attracted to, and the type of women that are attracted to them.

It’s a very important dynamic to be aware of, especially if you are an achiever or a pleaser in your life, which is most successful men. They are achievers. I mean, that’s part of the definition, you know. You’ve achieved and so you’re successful.

Anyway, and then you have relationship issues and they arise partly out of that dynamic of you being an achiever, having that coping strategy from your childhood. I covered all of that in a previous episode, and that was quite long so I don’t wanna review all of that, so please watch that first.

Alright, I got a question here from the private Man Up Facebook group. This one comes from Benedict, and it’s a few screens long. I’m going to try and condense it.

“Three years ago, I met the girl of my dreams in the most unfortunate circumstances. She just started to date my ex best friend. I think they were best friends at that time, now he’s the ex best friend. On the first night, I met them. She ended up in my bed instead of his.” And that’s when he became the ex best friend. “I shouldn’t try to explain myself, but I didn’t initiate it; she did. Being the asshole of a scum that I was, I didn’t resist. I’m still sorry about it until today. I know I’ve broken the Bro Code.”

Alright, so allow me to skip the details. Man, being sorry doesn’t fix the issue. I just want to point out as we’re going through it, there’s some important things to notice. The first is despite the fact that she cheated on his best friend, and he says she initiated it which is even worse for her.

Despite that, despite the lack of integrity on her part, he’s still turned on by her. I mean, not just sexually, but wants to be in a relationship with her as you’ll see. Instead of being turned off by that lack of integrity, he either completely ignores it, or actually I think what’s happening is he’s actually seeing an opportunity to fit in, to rescue her, to fix her, and she fixes him in his own neurosis. Their neurosis match.

Chemistry happens when two fucked up people have matching neurosis. And even if you’re healthy, you have matching healthy psychologies, but messed up people match up with each other. Psychologically healthy people aren’t attracted to and don’t attract psychologically unhealthy people.

This is why I’ll never be out of work, because all of the immature people will keep attracting other immature people. And another thing is you’ll notice psychologically immature men think that all women are one way, all women are damaged, all women are sluts, all women are , right? Like, all the hot girls are this way.

And I get while they feel that. I mean, I went through all of that myself, all of thoughts, and doubts, and don’t phases. They’re still stuck in that. I mean, you know the reason why? Because they are psychologically immature. Red pill is psychologically immature.

So, who are they feeling? Who are they attracted to and who is attracted to them? Psychologically immature women. Their neurosis match as I’ll show you.

Here’s one particular type of matching that’s very common among pick-up artists, and you’ll notice this if you do any research on pick-up artists, you can take as case study number one: Neil Strauss’ book The Game. They’re fucked up in there.

Mr. and Mrs Neil Strauss are both fucked up in there, and you can see how their relationships fall apart. The one with Lisa Leveridge doesn’t in the book, but it does in real life.

And you can look through his interviews to see how he explains it away, but even pick-up artists now who are teaching relationships are seeing it through a narcissistic lens. Either they are so deep in their compensatory narcissism that they don’t realize it, or either they’re so deep in their compensatory narcissism or they were narcissists to begin with but they just don’t have good skills, it’s dangerous either way.

Now, pay attention to this. So, what’s happening here is he says – so she initiated with him, cheated on his best friend. He fucked over his best friend, his ‘best friend’. Maybe it’s not his best friend, maybe it’s one of his good friends, but whatever, you fucked over one of his friends.

Why would anyone do this? Why would a man do this? Think about why. He’s just like, “Ah, this was a fucked up thing to do.” And we as dudes are like, “Ah.” And most dudes don’t think too deeply about psychology or their emotions, so they’re just like, “Ah, I guess he fucked up.”

No, no, no. There are reasons why he did it. You don’t just do it for no reason. You don’t just throw away a friendship for no reason. He is driven by something else. He is driven by a deeper need and it wasn’t conscious very likely, it wasn’t conscious. It was at an emotional level, driven by his unconscious need, so moving on. Okay.

“After that first night with her, we continued on an underground relationship” he calls it, but basically they were just cheating against the best friend for three weeks. “During those turbulent times, a number of things happened. He discovered our relationship.” His best friend discovered their relationship. The girl broke up with his best friend. “Yes, she had another boyfriend, but it was pretty much over before she even met me.” Huh, really? Because she just started to date him, alright.

Obviously, it’s pretty much over because she’s immature, and I ventured a guess that his best friend is immature as well. That’s the only way they’d be attracted to each other.

“But most of all, I fell very, very hard for her.” Of course you did.

“Those few weeks are the best weeks I can ever remember.” Alright, now we gotta pay attention. Now, we’re going deeper. So, the previous one was about like – okay, so usually you’ll hear me say, questioning people’s integrity and then the fact that they can… You know, for me to go deeper, I have to go past the 20-minute mark, and I’m just starting to overcome that limiting belief that people on YouTube aren’t ADHD, that they’ll pay attention longer. We’ll see. We’re testing lots of different formats from this point forward, so we shall see.

“But most of all, I fell very hard for her. Those few weeks are the best I can remember up until today, three years later, it feels like more” he says “since the day, I still can’t forget her despite having contact broken off with her and losing my friend.” Wow.

Three weeks with her, he cheated on his best friend with her, she cheated on his best friend, and this complete ignorance around their deeper motivations, and he’s just like, “Oh, I’m in love with her and I haven’t seen her for three years, but I’m still in love with her.” This is a deep neurosis. Understand where I’m going with this. This is deep shit.

“But most of all, I fell very hard for her. Those few weeks… At the end, she broke up with me because I couldn’t handle all the pressure.” It’s an important thing. She broke up with him. Let’s just keep that in mind as I go through this, “because I couldn’t handle all the pressure, of all the things happening, and she’s moved on a long way since.” She says – that’s her excuse for dumping you, that she says you couldn’t handle the pressure. Of course, you couldn’t handle the pressure, but that’s not the reason she dumped you.

“I know the logical thing is for me to just rid myself of the entire thing completely. A little more background is that I’ve also been working and meeting others, and also hooking up, but I never felt the same.” Alright, so I asked them a few more questions to clarify. He says, “I think what I like most about her was her personality. She is bubbly, accommodating, and wasn’t afraid to be who she wanted to be.” Okay, why is that rare?

“She focused and worked on it constantly.” Worked on it, it being what here? She worked on her personality? “I think what I liked most about her was her personality: bubbly, accommodating, wasn’t afraid to be who she wanted to be. She focused and worked on it constantly.” Hmm, narcissism? “She’s had an online following then and has been growing ever since.” Woo, okay.

So she’s being rewarded for narcissism, interesting. So she’s working on her personality to be more bubbly, more accommodating, and just speaking her mind, and being the free spirit, and he’s like, “She’s got an online following!” As if that’s supposed to mean anything to people who are psychologically healthy, but of course he’s not and she’s not, and so that means something.

“Me, I used to be bubbly, but that was ages ago in school. Now, I’m a pretty quiet guy who often would be stuck in my shell way too long before I dated her started opening up.” So far the psychologically intelligent people, can you start to see how these two people match?

“A bulk of the time, I had spent out with friends and having drinks, but when I’m not drinking or second guessing myself, I force myself to work out and play a bit of football, all of which I enjoy but I never feel like I have the drive.”

Benedict is a guy who is quiet, stuck in his shell too long before he dares to start opening up. He is introverted, plays football and works out, and feels like he never has any drive, okay. This is a particular type of relationship, which in the literature is referred to as the manic pixie dream girl.

In Asia, I know a lot of guys don’t know what pixies are, so I use the term ‘manic fairy dream girl’. This term was coined by film critic Nathan Rabin in his analysis of various films in which this plays out, films that were written and produced by fixer men. And in a deep level, like co-dependent fixer men.

And he summarizes it quite well here in his original article on Kirsten Dunst’s character on Elizabethtown. I’ve never seen Elizabethtown, so I’m not going to comment on that, but this is an interesting quote here.

“The manic pixie dream girl exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writers and directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life in its infinite mysteries and adventures. The manic pixie dream girl is an all-or-nothing proposition: audiences either wanna marry her instantly despite her being, you know, a fictional character, or they want to commit grievous bodily harm against them and her immediately family.”

So basically, this is a girl – I’m going to try to summarize what he’s got here. This is a girl who acts insane, outgoing, brings the shy, introverted ‘hero’ in the movie out of his shell. Think of 500 Days of Summer, think of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Those are classic manic fairy dream girl movies. And you got this shy guy who actually believes deep down inside for various reasons. It’s deeper than this, but because deep down inside, he believes that he is actually awesome. He is actually great. He just needs to – and when he’s with that girl, the manic fairy dream girl, she brings it out in him. She brings out his awesomeness, his greatness out of him.

This is the flipside of codependency and narcissism. They’re very closely related. They are basically two sides of the same coin, and a lot of these manic fairy dream girls, the ones that the shy introverted withdrawn guy who secretly believes that he is awesome think of that scene in the movie 500 Days of Summer where the hero just starts to fall in love and is walking down the street, singing and dancing, and everyone comes out and he’s like the center of it, and he’s like, yeah! It’s supposed to be this depiction of what it’s like to be in love, which is funny, but it’s also a really great depiction of narcissism, a covert narcissism hidden inside their belief is this –

Hidden inside their shell is this belief that they are actually great and this girl brings out his greatness. She reflects his hidden greatness to him and he thinks that’s when he falls in love. In fact, he’s not falling in love with her, he’s falling in love with his own fucking reflection that he sees reflected from her. Now, she’s fucked up.

Many of the manic fairy dream girls in the world suffer from Cluster B personality disorders including histrionic, borderline, narcissism of course, maybe sociopathic, and maybe bipolar in their manic phase.

Those are the manic fairy dream girls, and they’re messed up, but they’re looking for somebody that is the opposite of them in the sense of – because then they can rescue them.

Basically, you can’t have two crazy people at the same time. That’s too much crazy in that relationship. No one’s going to be able to get in. What she does is, she wants to go in and find this guy and draw him out of his shell. That is going to fulfill her rescuer fantasy. Why? Because she is a female fixer. She’s a female who has a fixer mindset.

She is looking for this man to rescue from his doldrums, from his shell and draw him out. That’s a whole fantasy of hers. And in some ways as well, it’s similar to structurally how many women want to rescue the bad boy. But in this case, they’re rescuing that part of her, the wild crazy spontaneous adventurous – let’s just take the words right out of Benedict’s post here: bubbly, not afraid to be who she wanted to be.

And he’s the withdrawn, shy guy who has no drive in life. Notice that throughout these movies, and going back to 500 Days of Summer, he’s basically writing greeting cards and feels really down on himself about it. He doesn’t have much drive or ambition around it, and she sees that, eventually that becomes an issue, and same in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

But when he is with her, oh, life is just so full of color and everything is spontaneous, fun, adventurous, and he is awesome. He is deep, and eloquent, and articulate, and fun himself when he is with her. That is because she draws it out of him and then he doesn’t actually see her. It’s a great line in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I wrote it down somewhere here.

Towards the end of the movie, when all of that stuff played out, hopefully – I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I highly recommend you watch both of those because they’re very entertaining. She says at the end, “Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m going to make them alive, but I’m just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.”

Nice guys really like manic fairy dream girls. I’ll give you a funny example of how I discovered this. About five or six years ago, I was writing marketing for our programs on dating. We were experimenting with different hooks and things like that.

Normally, you’d think guys would be into what you see on the magazines. Which is like where I came from in North America, it was runway models, but more commonly the kind of thing that guys grew up with as adolescents, that they jerked off to in their formative years. So, they’re kind of playboy models, which are basically like California blondes with big tits and things like that.

You’d think that the tanned hot blonde with long legs and whatever, but you write that in there for the Asian audience, especially in places like Singapore and Japan. That didn’t do anywhere near as well as descriptions of the kooky kind of off-the-wall, offbeat but spontaneous fun, adventurous, free, wild, don’t give a fuck girl.

And that often is a girl who has dyed hair – like hair in a pink or blue, some kind of non-natural color. The brighter, the better for them. Somebody is kind of like – can be basically what they want to be, what the guy thinks he’s really is in his core, which is like – I’m really spontaneous, adventurous, kickass.

Okay, so what is one clue that Benedict suffers from co-dependent narcissism? Why did he fuck over his friend? This is one reason why David Tian in the Man Up group might come down a little harsh, might be a little bit more man up to certain guys, a little bit more tough love, because actually lurking in the shadows of the nice guy’s persona is an uncontrolled dark side, uncontrolled shadow self that is actually quite dangerous, anti-social.

And because we all have that, by the way. We all have these dark sides, these shadow selves, the mature masculine knows how to control that and uses the good side of it, the killer instinct to defend and protect. But a lot of these nice guys, they’re not defending and protecting nothing.

They are completely ignorant and blind to their own dark side. That’s why they are dangerous. And what you’ll notice here is he fucked over his best friend. A lot of guys who consider themselves nice guys, good guys, will fuck me over. They’ll fuck you over. They are not real friends.

You look at the Men’s Movement, it’s fractured because these guys don’t actually – they are so psychologically unhealthy, they’re actually not ever going to be loyal. This is like a common thing I started in the Man Up episodes, talking about how girls will – until you get at the very deepest rivalries… At the surface level, they’re all really bonded.

Like, they will get together and brag about how they use other guys and they’ll laugh at the guys they use. If it comes down to a hot girl and he’s gotta go up against his friend, he will do it.

And you might chalk it up to competitiveness, and evolutionary of course the guys who fuck over the other guys and get away with it are rewarded. There’s no morality there, but we’re not in caveman times, otherwise I’d kill you. Why wouldn’t you?

But if you have morals, if you value integrity, which is by the way hard. We’re not hardwired for our happiness, for our subjective well-being. We’re hardwired for survival, for survival of the fittest, and for fucking and producing offspring.

That’s what we’re hardwired for. There’s going to be that you think are ‘outliers’, but it’s the norm that these guys you think are your friends, and who act like nice guys are actually covert, hidden demons in a way.

And he hasn’t dealt with his demons yet. He hasn’t let those out. The mature masculine knows that he could go across the other end – and this is a whole other episode on this, but he could go across that line, he could cross that line into the dark side and it could be really bad. Like, if you go to the Hulk and go crazy.

But the mature masculine knows that’s there, controls it, uses it for the right purpose. This is not a video about masculinity per se, or the mature masculine, or the dark side; but part of this codependency, part of the fixer is the ignorance and blindness to one’s own dark side.

Because of that, he is blind to other people’s dark sides. He is blind to women’s dark sides and continues to put them on a pedestal. You can watch the previous episode for why that happens, going back to the childhood.

And here, you see this dynamic very clearly now for Benedict. He fucked over his best friend and he doesn’t know why. He just sort of laughs it off like, “Oh, I know I shouldn’t have done that. But anyway, I did it. Sorry. Let me hook up with your girlfriend now.” The reason is because he actually believes he is great.

Remember the hidden grandiosity in the codependent? The hidden greatness that he believes is really in him? So he thinks it’s his right to take the girl from his best friend, because after all he’s awesome. Your best friend’s okay, but he’s awesome. And this is just proof that he is awesome.

And then this girl brings out his awesomeness even more, his grandiosity is taking him into this. So the manic fairy dream girl is the fantasy girl, and another way to make it safe – talking about a specific dyed hair color in copyrighting or in marketing is going to be too specific. If we use descriptions of like the Japanese school girl, basically anything that is sort of innocent and playful.

Innocent in the sense of like, a little girl who before the world got to her and made her become somebody – but it’s just like, oh, she’s just a fairy girl, like just twirling around in her fairy dress, free and easy, and just spontaneous and doesn’t give a fuck, just singing and dancing everywhere. That’s the thing that these guys want, and there are a lot of sheltered nice guys in Asia. I’m discovering all throughout the world they just don’t look that way.

Something I wanted to present in the episode last time on the fixer, is you think that the fixer looks like a shy, introverted guy, that means like a nerdy Clark Kent type of guy. That might be the case. Many of them are that way.

However, as I said in all the other episodes, I’ve suffered from the same things, in all of the episodes… I can talk about this with so much authority because I’ve been there. I’m speaking on it not just from books, but you could be a player, like a really sexy looking player, like a badass player, like a James Bond guy and still be a rescuer, still be a white knight, still be a fixer.

It’s got nothing to do with the externals, you just get a fashion makeover, workout a bit. It’s a common thing among achievers, is that they all workout or want to work out, or they think it’s important to work out and so they’ll eventually workout. That’s got nothing to do with whether you are mature.

A physical challenge where you’re submission grappling with another dude, that helps you become independent controlling your aggression, and have – but still being able to be aggressive when the time calls or when the situation calls for it, and so on.

But you think that it’s just a nerdy guy, no. There are plenty of guys who look cool, and they are still fixers in the inside. They are still wounded on the inside. They are still immature on the inside, and they have no control over who they are attracted to and they think it’s normal.

It’s not normal, guys. I started off with talking about how a lot of these guys, these pick-up artists or guys being burned by women start to think, “All women are sluts!” Yeah, you know why? Because you are attracting and are attracted to women who are psychologically damaged and immature. This is why so many pick-up artists, for many years and maybe it’s still the case, I haven’t checked lately. But for many years, stripper game was a big deal in the pick-up artist industry, stripper game.

Now, it shouldn’t be too much of a controversy for me to say: do a psychological profile of a career stripper, and I say a career because maybe a girl might dabble in it and make a little extra money. But after three months in the industry, something happens, something starts to happen to her that becomes very – almost irreparable, like she’s going to have to do some serious work in herself to get out of that.

Think about the psychology of a stripper. Why would these guys be attracted to that? Why did they think that’s a 10? That’s like a 10+ a challenge. It gets really deep and I don’t have time to get into it, but why is it that all of these pick-up artists think that the top woman is the one who is not susceptible to his game? That’s something you should understand as well, this challenge, it’s recreating the childhood dynamic that they had.

I go into all of these in much more detail in Rock Solid Relationships and Masculine Mastery over a course of weeks, and step by step through it all, so just a little preview here about it. And going back to the strippers and the pick-up artists, it’s an interesting dynamic to see that. The stripper is a perfect manic fairy dream girl.

She is spontaneous, adventurous, off the wall, says whatever she wants, doesn’t take shit from nobody. And of course, she is physically attractive, but that’s not what draws them. It’s that manic fairy dream girl dynamic, this dysfunctional dynamic with his inner Peter Pan, so to speak; his inner, withdrawn, shy, in his shell boy who is seeing his fantasy, his idealized version of himself, drawn out when he is with her.

All he sees when he is with her is actually his idealization of her. He doesn’t actually see her. He just sees the manic fairy dream girl. This is why Rakes, the one who says like, “Oh, I’m in love with everyone. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you.” Like, the classic Rake.

That’s actually true for him that he falls in love with them, but it’s a very superficial type of love. It’s basically – he’s seeing the same instantiations of the same ideal in all of these different females, and their dysfunctions, her neurosis is reacting to his neurosis. That’s why they have chemistry. Chemistry happens when two neurosis match.

They’re going to just attract more psychologically-damaged people. That’s where you hear all this refrain in the red pill, in whatever pick-up artist, the bitter ones, which is most of the – if you’re in it for a while, they’re all bitter – which is that all women are sluts, they’re all fucked up and so on.

Yeah, because the type of woman that you’re into, you don’t notice the psychologically healthy ones. You’re not attracted to them. They’re not attracted to you, so they don’t even show up on your radar, even though they might be physically attractive, when you talk to them, there’s no sparks so you just sort of, “Oh, okay.” But you go to this damaged one because you’re damaged, and your damage matches.

And notice in the movies, it’s a very interesting and accurate… Those two movies in particular, the 500 Days of Summer and the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind are particularly accurate in their depiction of that dynamic, especially you take the 500 Days of Summer towards the end of the movie, he starts to see all of the things about her that he missed.

They do a replay of the last day where he goes to hold her hand and she withdraws it. All of these little things that he didn’t see, he didn’t notice because when he sees her, he doesn’t actually know her; he sees the idealized fantasy that he has of her that draws out his grandiosity.

And then who he is when he is around her, that she completes him. That’s what he believes. She completes him. You see that in Benedict’s question. “She completes me.” I’ve been looking for three years and no one else completes me, he’s like, she’s completed me over those three weeks because she draws his grandiosity out of him the most. And you notice that she has issues.

We all have issues, by the way. I’m not saying that they’re all Cluster B personality disordered individuals, the people that fixers see as manic fairy dream girls. Many of them are, but we all have our issues, but he doesn’t see the issues. He doesn’t see, for instance, that she cheated on his best friend, that then she dumped him.

He doesn’t see any of her despicableness, her dark side. He doesn’t see that. He doesn’t – I’ve made a whole video, a keynote lecture, on the reality of women and their dark side. You know the dark side of women. And so many of these nice guys watched that, and I was hoping that it would just open their eyes.

They’ve got to watch it five or six times just to get the surface level of it. A lot of the times, their unconscious protects them, that false self, the persona protects the true self from getting this information. It’s too harmful to their way of life, so they have to shut that shit down so they don’t hear it. It’s an amazing thing.

I used to tear my hair out thinking it was like a lack of intelligence or something, but no. It’s actually just these neurosis. I made that video to point out the dark side of women, because we all have – all human beings have dark sides in us.

The mature knows how to control it, knows where it is and knows the line, and knows how to call on it when it’s necessary, when it’s necessary for defense and protection and so on, but these guys don’t. They’re still incredibly immature and still very much regressing to their childhood states when they are with women who draw out that part of them, that they abandoned so long ago and now they feel like more closer to their true self, when in fact they are just putting out a different false self when they are with her.

He’s falling in love with the idealized fantasy of her, the manic fairy dream girl, doesn’t see her issues, her neurosis. A true love, if you really want to love this person – maybe it’s your daughter for instance and you’re just kind of stuck with her because it’s your daughter, and you want to help her, you see everything for what it is.

She’s spontaneous and crazy, but then also maybe she’s not getting her shit together over here and all of that. She’s got all these other issues, so we do some… take her to therapy, get her to counseling, teach her about the psychology. And then over time, she trains herself to be more mature, get her the life experiences.

But these guys, they don’t see it that way. They idealize her. She’s a perfect woman! Perfect!

Any time a guy starts saying she’s a perfect woman, you already know he’s fucked up in the head. He’s immature. There’s no such thing as a perfect anybody. I’m not perfect. I get a lot of skeletons in my closet, man. Anybody in life has. If you’ve done anything significant in your life, you got a lot of darkness in your life.

That’s what makes you awesome. A lot of these immature guys, they don’t get it. And I cover this in the deeper courses, about time and putting it out in the free material. I think maybe if you’ve seen enough – I mean, we’re in episode 194 now, so hopefully if you’ve seen those, you’re ready for the deeper stuff; but most nice guys are just surface level. “How do I start a conversation with a girl?” bla-bla-bla, that bullshit. “Approach anxiety”, bleh.

You know, like, how immature… Look, here’s how it works. Get your psychology fixed, alright? Focus on your psychology. Get healthy and then the psychologically healthy people will be attracted to you and you’ll be attracted to them, and then you’ll be in a good position for a lasting relationship.

If you continue to just paper over the symptoms with learning some techniques, openers, how to start a conversation, that’s something, right? You can start the conversation. But then if you are still messed up inside, you’re just going to be picking out the wrong people and attracting the wrong people, and being attracted to the wrong people.

That’s something a lot of people don’t realize. They say, yeah, like, you’re attracting the wrong people, but what about you are attracted to the wrong people? I am now insulting your fucking type. I’ve never heard that before. Actually, I’m pointing that out now. You motherfucking nice guys.

Get your attention now? Your problem is you’re attracted to the wrong type of girl. You red pill guys, your problem is you’re attracted to the wrong type of girls. You bitter pick-up artists, your problem is you’re attracted to the wrong type of girl.

Why are you attracted to the wrong type of girl, all of you guys? Because you are psychologically immature yourself, alright? Obviously, right? Alright, so hopefully that’s clear by this point.

It’s getting late over here. I’ve done two long videos. I still have actually a lot of shooting left, putting in some new supplementary videos for Rock Solid and Masculine Mastery. Alright, guys. Thank you for watching.

Join the private Man Up Facebook group. Click the link. Join the group.

I’ll see you inside the group. Great group inside there. And until I see you again, Man Up!